#im sad I thought they were making original tracks but no :(

[rainy-matcha]

mfw the lofi music channel I was listening to ended up being ai generated: (I'm usually good at spotting AI)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[burn-before-reading]

Long Ways Away

Bucky Barnes x Reader

connection, reconnection, and a small miscommunication. Bucky will travel however far if it means making you smile

wordcount: 4k

a/n: This was originally written AGES ago (2021) for @wkemeup ‘s 9k writing prompts. I had a different blog and posted one or two fics then ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE WHOLE BLOG. oops 🤷. remade this one and now im back into writing a bunch again so figured i might as well respost it. i had some other bucky fics i never finished writing so who knowsss i might go back and finish them :p

based on the prompt:

Character A calls Character B in the middle of the night crying - something they’ve never done before. They’re several states away. [B] gets in the car without hesitation and drives to wherever they are.

Bucky found himself on the balcony, looking out into the busy New York nightlife. Cars driving through the busy streets. He felt it matched the energy inside the Tower. If he looked behind he would have found Tony chatting away, creating a spectacle and being the center of attention as usual. Sam was playing pool against Scott. Accusing him of cheating by using ants to move the balls around when he wasn’t looking. Steve and Natasha were in the corner chatting away about the last mission. Steve was always a little too focused on work, even when these get-togethers were planned to distract the team from just that.

It was why Bucky needed a break, that's what he would say at least. The reason for this whole party, as much as he hated the whole spectacle. A break from the team. A break from missions. He just needed an out, for now.

It’s at least what he was telling himself.

“Hey Stranger. Found your hiding spot.” He glanced behind and saw you there. Relaxed and leaning against the doorway, a half empty drink in your hand. Smiling like there wasn’t a reason for you to be sad. He smiled back for a second, like he was still going to be here tomorrow.

He would miss you the most.

______

You hadn’t called yet.

He wasn’t too worried at first, the last he heard from you, you had said Steve was planning a mission and you probably would be gone for a while. You didn’t specify what kind of mission. You never did. He hated that.

In all honesty taking this break, full on Move-Into-a-subburb-in-Indiana kinda break, was killing him. It was one of those things he thought he would be fine with. The neighbors were nice. A sweet old lady who was always baking and bringing him cookies and pies. The other was your typical nuclear family. Maybe that was something Bucky would have wanted back in the 40s. Now he’s not so sure.

Bucky’s so called retirement wasn’t that exactly. He wasn’t off the team. It was a break. A long break. A break for some undetermined amount of time, but had currently lasted for almost six months. Time away from the hustle and bustle of city life. Of Avenger life. Steve had suggested it after Bucky had one too many sleepless nights. Giving him time to try and live a life not fighting for something. Somewhere peaceful. He would’ve considered it sooner, if it weren’t for you.

He didn’t know how it had started. The friendship between the two of you. He knows you were the one to first initiate the conversation. It had taken him a while to warm up to you. He’s almost mad at himself that he didn’t keep track of all your interactions. Everytime he heard you laugh. Everytime you sat next to him during a movie night. When Your friendship started bleeding into something else. He felt like the two of you skipped a step somewhere. A line between friends and… something else, something better, started to blur.

You would slip into his room at night right before the nightmares could start. Running your hands through his hair as you softly sung lullabies and old songs. You spent the night more often than not. Fast asleep with your arms wrapped around him. His head delicately tucked into the crook of your neck, arms wrapped around your waist. You both waking up in each other's arms, tangled together in a peaceful bliss.

He knows what ended it. It was his fault. He pushed away.

But Damnit, Bucky did miss you.

At least you called every once in a while. Giving him updates about everything going on at the tower. It was like clockwork, almost. A call springing up at the end of almost every week, updating him on every little detail of Steve's extremely long Disney Movie Marathon. Last update you gave was he just finished the Renaissance era. Swearing on your life that you managed to catch him singing along to The Little Mermaid.

Another time you called just to complain about how bad your sparring session with Nat was.

“I swear someone must’ve pissed her off before it because now I have a stupid bruise on my back and it just hurts all over” you groaned over the phone. he could imagine you lying on the floor in your room. Blankets thrown about and laptop angled so you could still watch Netflix. The thought made him laugh which caused you to respond “Don’t laugh at my misery!”

If it wasn’t a call, you would text, but that was rare. You had confessed early on that you hated texting, but you couldn’t help but send him pictures and videos of the group hanging out. You, Wanda, and Natasha in the lounge watching horror movies. Sneaky photos of Steve asleep in the common area. His favorite had to be when you send a video of Sam spacing out and crashing into a window while flying. He sent back laughing emojis and saved the video.

He never said much about his time away. He got a cat. A little white furball he named Alpine. He sent you a handful of pictures that you absolutely adored.

He would say that the time away has been helping. Less chaos, more calm. He always tried to make it sound like he was enjoying his time away. The neighbors were nice. The place was quiet. He was getting sleep. Enjoying his break.

He was starting to miss the chaos. He was missing you.

He always looked forward to your calls, even though they always seemed to interrupt him meditating, like today. It had been over a month since your last call.

You had changed your ringtone to some upbeat song he honestly couldn’t stand at first but grew on him over time. It couldn’t even finish its first verse before he picked up the phone and spoke with a smile on his face.

“Hey, Y/N. You back from your mission?” He only heard silence back at first, and it scared him. “Doll, are you there?” More silence before he could barely pick up the faint sniffling. “Y/N, are you okay?”

More silence. More sniffling. He was getting ready to call Steve or text him or Something before he heard your voice speak up. A fragile, tear-filled response. It broke his heart.

“I’m Sorry Bucky. I shouldn’t have called.”

Then the line goes dead.

______

“You should go back inside y/n. Go enjoy the party.”

“What's the point of it if the person it's for isn’t even there?” you walk over and lean against the railing so your back is to the view. You stared at the inside for a second before looking at him again. “Excited for retirement?” He rolled his eyes at your half assed joke.

“Its not retirement. Its just, a break.” That made you laugh a little. Your nose scrunched up the tiniest amount and is made Bucky smile. He would miss your laugh.

“It feels like retirement, you bought a house and everything. In Indiana right?”

“Yeah.”

“Kinda far from the tower, don’t you think?” you finished up what was left in your glass and set it on the small standing table to the side of you before focusing your attention back to him.

“That was kind of the point. Somewhere quiet, or well, quieter than here.” He gestured to the city, but part of you felt he meant the team.

______

He doesn’t care that the drive is eleven hours. He doesn’t care that he had to stick his now grumpy cat in a carrier and put her in the front seat. Be doesn’t care that he’s rushed out of his house at three in the afternoon with nothing but the desire to check on you.

He does care that you haven’t answered or returned any of his calls yet and Bucky swears on his life he is going to murder Steve if he doesn’t pick up either. He hears it ring three times before he answers.

“Hey, Buck. Whats up?” Steve says into the phone nonchalantly. It's starting to piss him off.

“What happened Steve.” His voice was cold and his grip on the steering wheel tightened with each second. What happened, what happened.

“Wait what do you mean.”

“Y/N Steve! What happened to her on her mission.” his voice cracked a bit as he tried to keep it together. Something was wrong and he didn’t know what.

“Y/n’s mission? It went fine she got back a while ago and… wait did she call you?” He seemed surprised.

“Yes! Y/N was crying and she just hung up suddenly and…what happened Steve.”

“Nothing. She��s been fine this whole time. It happened a while ago so I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Wait how long has she been back from her mission.”

“Two weeks.”

“Well how was I supposed to know that!” He was getting antsy, wishing this car of his would go any faster.

“I assumed she had already called you. She usually did after every mission but… I’ll go check up on her for you if you want. Let her know you called.”

“I’m already on my way over. Just let me know if she does anything else.”

______

He doesn’t remember how long he stayed out there talking to you. It was more you talking to him. How training went that day, A new movie that had come out that week, Peter coming to you for advice on asking someone out. A dream you had.

He couldn’t help but glance at your arm as you talked. Covered with long sleeves but he knew the scar was still there. Long and jagged, running from your forearm to your wrist. Slowly fading but still ever present. He felt your hand lift his chin up to meet your eyes again.

“Don’t even think of feeling guilty right now.” You teased, but your face showed nothing but sincerity. He gripped the railing tightly and it looked like he wanted to say something, but the words weren’t coming out.

He couldn’t. Not that.

“Do you remember the first time you stayed the night?” You took your hand away and watched him stare off into the distance. “ I felt trapped in my own head, in my memories. I wasn't leaving my room.”

“We share a wall. I could always hear when your nightmares got bad, but Steve was always there for you. But he was gone one day and I… I couldn’t just leave you to deal with that on your own.” Your voice turned to a whisper. Reminiscing on what you two once had. The quiet moments together. Why he stopped them, you only somewhat understood.

______

An hour felt like ten, and the full drive felt like an eternity later. When he reached the tower the sky was now dark, but he didn’t care. It had been far too long since he had been back.

He had Steve talk him through what could have happened.

“It must have been something that happened on her mission, but I can’t pick out anything weird, besides the fact that she insisted on taking this one alone.”

It was a stakeout. Suspicions of an arms deal going on. The plan was for you to just find out who was involved. Collect any information you can. You always sounded bored whenever you talked about it and gave Steve updates.

“Wait, why did she insist on going alone. Those take forever and I doubt she got a reasonable amount of sleep if she was by herself.” Bucky at this point was thinking the worst.

“Nothing happened Buck. She gave updates the whole time. I gave her permission to call you, but from the sound of it she never did.” A realization hit him then and there. The first mission he went on with you alone was a stakeout.

He doesn’t remember what the mission was about. All he remembers is two weeks alone with you. The two of you in a hotel room, spying on… he isn’t even sure anymore. All he took away from that time is he was absolutely in love with you. The way you would talk about Wanda’s crush on Vision at the time and how you kept bugging her to say something. Everytime you tried (and failed) to throw popcorn into your mouth.

By the time Bucky arrives at the tower it's almost three in the morning. Alpine sleeping soundly in the passenger seat. Steve is waiting for him in the parking garage. A concerned look on his face.

“She’s locked herself in her room. She won’t talk to me.” Bucky moves Alpine from the carrier to his jacket, and walks with Steve to the elevators to get to the living quarters.

“Is she even still awake? I got here pretty late.” He glanced at the pajama bottoms Steve was wearing.

“Last time I passed by I heard a show playing, she still might have fallen asleep though. Your room is empty if you wanna get some rest.”

“No.” the Elevator opens up to the all too familiar hallway that now you currently reside in. “I wanna see her now, if I can.” if she lets me. Steve simply pats him on the back.

“You planning on staying a while?”

“I guess we’ll see..” The doors close leaving Bucky alone in the dark hallway. He feels stuck in place. It has been so long since he’d seen the tower. He’d forgotten how much he’d miss this place.

He hesitated knocking on your door. The familiar notch in the wood from when you tried to fire one of Clint's bows. He could hear what sounded like a nature documentary softly playing from the other side of the door.

“Friday?” He whispered.

“Welcome back Sergeant Barnes.” The AI called out.

“Is she awake?”

“Agent Y/N is awake at the moment. Would you like me to let her know you’re here?”

“No, no its alright.” Bucky responded. “I can talk to her.”

He continued to just stare at the door, unsure how to start. He looked down to Alpine who simply meowed at him. Her way of saying to ‘get on with it, I’m tired!’

“Alright, alright.” He nervously chuckled before lifting his right hand up. Three delicate knocks rang through the door.

“I’m fine Steve.” He heard your voice for the first time in person again. Muffled and clearly annoyed, but still perfectly you.

“ Y/n? It's Bucky. Can you please open the door.” The documentary paused. He heard the slight squeaking of a bed and footsteps padding over to the door, till he heard your voice loud and clear.

“What are you doing here, shouldn’t you be in Indiana.” He was surprised by the coldness in your voice.

“What’s going on with you. You called and I got worried. Can you please open the door?” He pressed his forehead against the door, trying to get as close to you as possible.

“I never meant to bother you. Please, Bucky, just go home.” There was pain in your voice and your words. Calling somewhere that wasn’t here his home.

“I’m not leaving till you explain what’s going on. What happened that made you call.”

“...I needed to stop relying on you to fix my problems.” You sighed. Maybe you could tell he wouldn’t leave you alone with just that. “It was a nightmare, okay? That’s all. I can deal with those on my own now.”

“ Please let me in. You know I can help with those.” He whispered through the door. He didn’t know you even got nightmares. “How long have they been happening?”

“Why does it matter to you.” You spat. “I’m not letting you in so you can just… go home”

hesitation…. Bucky thought for a moment.

“I have Alpine. You said you wanted to meet her.”

A moment of silence, and then he hears the lock click open.

______

“I’ll miss you. You know that right?”

You stared at the night sky and he couldn’t help but notice how the lights danced in your eyes.

“You can always call.” he replied.

“Do you know… when you’ll come back?” the hesitation in your voice made him suspect you were going to say “if”. The fear he may never come back.

“I’ll be back, doll. If you ever need me just call and I’ll come running.” The idea got both of you to smile.

“I’d never have you do that for me, but I appreciate the thought.” You laughed before turning your head and staring straight into his eyes. “Just promise me. You’ll come back.”

“I promise.”

Both of your feet took control and suddenly you were now facing each other. In both of your eyes you could see a million words trying to escape. Each of you wanting to say something you didn’t think the other would want.

Stay here

Tell me to Stay

Let me spend one last night with you

Please don’t leave me alone

I love you

I love you

Just let me love you

It felt like you were inches apart. Miles away from the rest of the world. Your hand rose to rest softly on his cheek. He leaned into your touch and closed his eyes. The pad of your thumb gliding across his cheek, the scratchy stubble, till it rested right under his bottom lip. His hands resisted the urge to touch you, the fear of somehow hurting you again, but your touch he relished in. He savoured this moment between the two of you, almost too hesitant to take it any further. Those million words slowly bubbling up to the surface. Falling from his eyes to the tip of his tongue. They tasted like salt. You raised your hand up to swipe something from his face.

Tears. No words. Just tears.

You could taste your own words as well.

“Hey Ms. Y/N - oh Sorry!” The sheepish voice that belonged to Peter spoke out and caused the two of you to draw away from each other. The timeless moment broken. Words gone. Words buried once again. You could tell he felt bad for interrupting what seemed to be a private moment between the two of you.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, it's fine. You didn’t interrupt anything. Did you need something kiddo?” You wiped your eyes and tried to look cheerful. Bucky never understood why you had such a soft spot for peter. He talked too much for his liking.

“Tony said you were out here and… He needed to talk to you about something I didn’t really ask uh.” Peter kept glancing at the now brooding man next to you. “happy retirement Mr. Bucky, Sergeant Barnes sir.”

“It's just Bucky,” He grumbled, “And it's not a retirement. It's just… Tony just started calling it that because i'm old.” You noticed the stiffness in his voice so you decided to break the tension.

“Tell Tony I’ll be inside in a second, okay Peter?” He nervously nodded and shuffled back inside. You turned back to face Bucky. He looked down and away from you now.

Miles apart.

“Gotta go back inside, I guess. Don’t stay out too long okay?”

In a brief second of courage you lifted your hand back to his face, and turned to place a quick kiss on his cheek before walking away and leaving him alone again on the balcony. The feeling of your lips lingered on his skin.

You didn’t see him when he left the next morning.

______

You looked just as beautiful as he remembered. Unbrushed hair and wrinkly t-shirt thrown together with an old pair of sweats. He wanted to wrap himself up in your touch, in your scent, but your eyes gave off a tired and standoffish look. Eyebrows scrunched together. This wasn’t the time, yet.

“Where is she.” You asked. Bucky unzipped his jacket slightly and peeled away one side to reveal a little puff of fur. The door opened wider and you stepped aside to let him in. He took a seat on your bed and let Alpine out to walk around. You sat down and alpine walked over and rubbed her face on your hand.

“Cute..”

“Yeah, she is. There's no cat food in the tower, right? I left in a rush and-”

“Bucky.” you raised a brow at him.

“Right, sorry.” He studied your expression, waiting for you to start.

“Can I ask you something, Bucky?”

“Anything.”

“Am I the reason you left?” Your question left him bewildered.

“Where’d you get that idea?”

“It's just,” you started, “we were so close, and I know I pushed your boundaries a little more than the others, but you seemed okay with it. You even pushed things further so I thought we were on the same page. But after-” you turn your arm to show what's now only a faint line running down your arm, “ -this I, I don’t know. You didn’t just step back, you pushed away. You didn’t even look at me for weeks and then suddenly you say that you're leaving and I-”

Tears spring from your eyes. The million words too much. Bucky grabs your hands and uses his thumbs to rub small circles into your wrists.

The night was one clearly neither of you had forgotten. You had just come back from a mission with Steve and went to Bucky’s room to surprise him, only to find he was having another nightmare. You attempted to wake him up, were met with a sharp pain in your arm. The both of you were too stunned by each other's actions to immediately notice the knife in Bucky’s hand and the stream of blood gushing down your arm and staining his sheets.

You never held it against him, but he clearly did.

“It was a rash decision.” He says, “ I care about you so much, you know that… or I hope you do, but after,” he felt his million words bubbling to the surface again, “After I hurt you, I got scared. I was afraid of making things worse and I didn’t even realize I already had. I left to try and figure myself out. After the first week I knew it wasn’t my thing. I was honestly gonna come right back, but you sounded so happy when you called and, I started to think you’d be better off without me.” His voice grew softer with every word.

“What about your neighbors, meditation. You said you were getting better sleep.”

“Mostly lies. The Nightmares just have become more manageable with time, and I don’t need to leave just to sit on the floor in silence. The only good thing to come from this is Alpine.” he admitted and you released a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

“At the party, before you left. You said to ask and you’d come back. There were so many times I thought about it, but you’d talk about how much better you were doing-”

“All lies, doll. Sorry.”

“ - I thought you were better off without me.” he tugs you forward and you let yourself fall into his embrace. You feel each other relax in each other's touch. He rested his chin on the top of your head for a second before placing a kiss on your forehead.

“I’m so sorry I made you feel this way.” You feel his lips move against your skin. “But I’m not leaving you again. Not ever.” You pulled away just to see his face.

“You’re not going back?” He tucked his head into your hair to muffle his laugh.

“Indiana sucks, I’m here to stay, promise. Besides, you said you had nightmares, right. I’m not just gonna leave you to deal with that on your own.”

He leaned over to kiss your tears away causing you to laugh at the feeling. You lifted your head to meet his lips with your own, and for a second the two of you forget the rest of the world exists. You can taste salt from each other’s tears and he feels himself smiling into the kiss, hands going up to cradle your face when suddenly you both hear a Meow.

Pulling away the two of you watch Alpine nudge your thigh as if to say ‘It's my turn for attention!’ The two of you smiling and crying and holding in a fit of giggles as your stare at the little puff of fur meowing at you and clawing at the sheets.

As the laughter and meowing died down, so did your energy, and the two of you settled into bed. It was almost as it was before. His arms wrapped around you. your head delicately tucked into the crook of his neck, arms wrapped around his waist. A small fur ball settled at the foot of the bed. With the promise of a million more words, and a million more nights together.

[xylathesilkwing]

played the Time-Breaker DLC! confusing and both enlightening experience- spoilers under the cut below! It is my feverish ramblings and not professional at all, enjoy

-SAM LAAAAKE I thought you were evil Mr Lake but I only had you for a moment I miss you come back

-JESSEEEE JESSEE jessse hi. hi Jesse (insane)

-no fr though Petri Alanko confirmed that the music that plays during Tim (Shawn?? Jack?? I’m gonna say Tim) and Jesse’s introduction was supposed to be a 1:1 recreation of the music that plays in Quantum Break with Jack and Beth, and I just think that’s neat (going feral)

-the insane scribbling on the whiteboard in the trailer resembles the scribbling the real (original? currently dark place) Tim’s notes:

and since I think it’s confirmed that the DLC episodes are just attempts at Alan Wake trying to escape the dark place, did he see the OG notes and go “oh yeah, I could probably write something with that”? Did he predict what Tim would write that without ever meeting him? Is the multiverse real??

-also, “red headed woman” in both images. obviously in the DLC it’s Jesse, and probably is the same in the actual game (especially with the polyhedrons) but it’d be so cool if he also remembered Beth or those other versions he had seen

-this image alone down below?? listing off names??

obviously we’ve got Jesse, plus Dylan (Faden? possibly her brother?) and someone named Savage, but we’ve also got Lisa, Elisa and Liz being nicknames for Elisabet/related to it. Just sayinnn Beth could be part of that tooo (delusional) (hasn’t finished quantum break yet)

-anyways we continue

-the ocean view hotel is so freaky cool in this world??? The clocks leading you to different rooms, the FBC being present and posting notes on doors and cannonly being there, plus the ENEMIES? I’m afraid of the shadows in Alan Wake’s playthrough but these were also pretty freaky

-JESSEEE I’m sorry I’m just genuinely so insane about her im glad she returned

-while I can’t remember the name of the place she works for, i find it pretty funny she still works for a concealed/unknown agency involved with secret forces. went from supernatural events to the multiverse girl

-the time-sea-whatever outside?? insane. cool. wicked awesome

-“and another version of me got super powers” and it’s her lifting a forklift!! Love the control references, especially the Alien Guardian Angel one.

-“as you say, characters in a video game” METAA

-okay I had to put this here but Tim/Jesse shippers.. I see you. like I’m an avid Jessily shipper but genuinely I see the appeal

LIKE? Obviously this is most likely an homage to the fan theories of Jesse and Tim being echoes of Beth and Jack, but it’s also so interesting Alan-wake wise. I could probably make a separate post for this but like- imagine you’re Jesse and you’re seeing all these versions of a man some variant of you loved die gruesome deaths, and you’re feeling these feelings that aren’t actually /yours/, it’s. I’m insane it’s so freaky and cool and sad and ARGH

And for Tim!! your other versions were trying to find this girl and when you get there you realize that the feelings you feel for her aren’t actually yours either! just some version of you and some version of her that probably didn’t work out! I’m gonna go insane!

-the arcade game sequence was INSANE and I love it so much. I wish we saw more of that universe

-the universe with all the empty time-core-thingies?? insane, freaky, perfect.

-THE VOID? THE TEXT?

-okay so I might be weird for this but instead of thinking about The Master of Many Worlds I thought about the red headed woman I’m so sorry. definitely got caught off track but the way her name is LIS like the names list?? and she’s a DANCER? <—— I’m a dancer

-it was so freaky when all the text and numbers turned into Alan Wake at his desk?? but also so meta and cool?? insane DLC

-awesome DLC! North Star is my favorite so far but tbh this one was super meta I loved it

[sp-ud]

Genloss is a tragedy. No not the actual content, but how hard it fucking fell off.

Now, I know there are still people who enjoy it, even enjoy the new things and are excited with each new release of the founders game chapters.

And if you are one of those people, good for you. Genuinely, good for you. Don't let me being a hater ruin your own enjoyment. So I'd recommend maybe not reading this post cuz im not gonna be sympathetic to genloss or ranboo. If you couldn't guess by my opening sentence.

Anyways, I don't know it's just. Sad. To see something that had so much potential just fall flat so quickly. In retrospect as soon as the founders cut took more than 3 months it should have been obvious the whole project was kinda fucked.

And tbh I do not care about any thing like "ranboos just one guy", "it's their first project", "their adhd medication wasn't being properly supplied" etc etc. Like 1) ranboo literally isn't the only guy credited as editing the founders cut in the version that did end up releasing. 2) okay, same with like. 99% of other indie horror things. And those guys usually don't start out with enough money to rent out malls and buy expensive props that can only be used for one thing. 3) we loop back to the team thing. I'm someone who genuinely can barely function on days I don't take my adhd meds btw

Back on topic instead of countering arguments I've seen before but haven't actually been brought up to me.

It's just, there's this lack of cohesion and planning in what we've gotten since TSE that is just. So strange. I would say it comes from ranboos perfectionism but everything that keeps coming out is half-baked shit that sure seems unfinished.

Like, the founders cut was so fucking unpolished which is insane for something that took over a year. And we can't try to make it an in-universe thing, be for fucking real. Ranboo wasn't thinking like that.

And ngl when ranboo was reacting to that fnaf timeline video and like, praised "community storytelling" (aka when u throw a bunch of shit out, seen fans theorizing and go "oh wait ahit that's smart, yeah that's what I meant haha") it just. Made me feel so defeated cuz that kind of storytelling isn't fucking good.

It works well enough for fnaf but that's cuz it's fnaf. Look at how little attention generation loss gets outside of its initial and constantly shrinking bubble.

Admittedly it was gonna always be hard to follow tse, those kinds of productions are pricy. No shit. But the next steps being:

1: Twitter acc that kept going on hiatus because ranboo hadn't even fully planned it out before ranboo just decided to scrap the Twitter acc and just vaguely promise zero will return somewhere else

2: a slapped together cut of tse that completely fails at being a quicker introduction to the series compared to watching the original streams that clearly doesn't understand any of the elements that made tse charming and enjoyable even if cringeworthy at times

3: a second person pov book disguised as a choose your own adventure where not a single choice has actually mattered, not even the ones that were voted on and had to wait a whole week to find out what happened next.

Is just kinda insane to me. Like idk how u fumbled it that hard.

Yall remember how ranboo gave us a generation 2 Spotify playlist? Oh or what about "generation 0: the story of lostfield" which they showed off the title card for at twitchcon and vidcon? Where the fuck is any news even about those. I'd at least like some clarification about if the founders game is tied to literally either of those.

Getting off track here but tbh this is just me collecting all my annoyed/frustrated generation loss thoughts into one post.

But it's just like. Idk it's just weird that it took over a year after Tse for ranboo to get enough of a team to keep them on track and producing things consistently. And then for that thing to be. Literally none of the things we were expecting.

And now that we're 7 weeks in, technically 8 if we're counting the skipped week. 9 if we include the week we waited for after inputting the password. I'm just tired man. I'm tired of waiting for genloss to be good. Of trying to trust the process.

"Letting ranboo cook" only for Tse to finally be what we got did work, but it just. Really doesn't feel like ranboo gets why tse worked for so many people. And no, it wasn't just the inclusion of other popular ccs although that did certainly help if we r being blunt.

Tse had a story that left you guessing what was intentional and what wasn't. Only for the final reveal to be that it all was intentional, it was us the audience that was being experimented on, being tested. And that was cool as shit!

But, nothing has been able to get even close to that yet. This newest chapter of tfg's did briefly give me an "oh shit" moment at the start. But then the chapter just. Went no where. It was empty. And now we have to wait another week for the payoff. Another week on top of 7/8/9 weeks.

And listen, I get good stuff takes time. I get that many other indie horror things go months without updating. But like. There's just nothing aside from a small sense of obligation and vague interest to see if it's finally interesting or if I'll just have something to complain about with my friends that keeps me coming back.

It's not engaging, it's not something I'm really all that invested in. I keep fucking forgetting every week that a new chapter is coming out cuz there's just nothing to be excited for.

Im not even excited that we will be talking to the founder or whatever in the next chapter which is crazy cuz I feel like I used to be pretty invested in the founder specifically. Like I was the guy who constantly brought up the merch site's about page that was a message from the founder when no one else did.

Anyways that kinda wraps up my frustrated thoughts on genloss at this current point in time. Sorry it might be hard to follow.

Also, if ur someone who genuinely has still been enjoying genloss and/or the founders game who actually did read through all of this, I'd be genuinely interested in hearing ur opinions. I mean, you read through all of mine so its only fair. And also I just. Genuinely want to know what other people r finding fun abt the recent things as pretty much everyone in my direct sphere has roughly the same opinions as me.

[lieblingspulli]

Memories in my Palm: SKZ

W.c: 3k

Bang Chan x Reader

Summary: bang chan rot. I am sad and happy and everything in between because of this. 

A/n: Highly inspired by The Flower Garden (sorry Im so obsessed with Howl’s moving castle, the music is just so vividly moving I can’t resist writing when I listen to these songs 😣) and the whole ep Strawberries by Vietra. Highly recommend listening to this album on repeat while reading it! Enjoy!

Masterlist!

SKZ Masterlist

You remember the exact moment you encountered Chan for the first time. He was just a boy, running to achieve a dream that he didn’t even know the certainty of. He was at the beginning of his trainee days. You were at the beginning of your life post-high school. The both of you were seeking perfection from an imperfect experience. When you reflect back on your meeting, sometimes you feel as if it were fate. That life brought you to this boy that would become something bigger than himself. 

You remember that day clearly. The sun was shining and summer had just arrived. The heat was beating down on Seoul relentlessly. You picked the nearest park you could find and figured a park would fit better than your stuffy room, still unpacked from moving. 

The cool air in the shade provided a sweet refuge from the stuffy hotness of the sun. The grass tickled your legs and you smelled the sweet flowery scent of a nearby flower bush as you sat to rest in the cool shade. The sounds of conversations floated in the air idly, existing as background noise to the calmness of your day. Children played with their dogs. Grandparents encouraged toddlers to walk. Parents cooed at their children after a tumble. The chatter was loud, but it faded to a comfortable white noise. 

You thought about the taste of your favorite sweet ice cream melt in your mouth as you watched a child walk by with a popsicle in hand. That same ice cream had nurtured you throughout your childhood and the taste of vanilla never failed to make you remember the times you had bought the cone from the ice cream shop around the corner. That same cone that the worker handed to you in your youth nurtured your adulthood as you moved to an unfamiliar place. Your mouth watered as you laid in the grass, careful to place your arm behind your head and contemplate how familiar yet different the environment around you felt. 

There was a wave of cool air as the breeze picked up. The sound of leaves rustling tempted you into closing your eyes, singing a lullaby that eased you into a trance. Birds sang and you closed your eyes to listen. You were tempted to fall asleep right there, but some nearby voices interrupted your tranquility. You cracked an eye open. 

“Dude, I don’t know what to do, I lost all my progress on my track.” 

“Everything?” 

“Yea, everything. I’m so screwed.” 

“Hey, it’s not that bad. Do you have the original file?”

“No, that’s gone too.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yea.” 

“Maybe I can try and help you recreate it?”

“It took me literal hours to make. I think it’ll take longer to recreate it. There were so many track layers, and I’m so stupid too. There were original beats on there that only existed on that file. Good lord.” 

“Ji, breathe. It’s gonna be okay. I’ll just tell Seungmin I can’t meet with him today and I’ll help you out.” 

A moment of silence. 

“Chan, I can’t make you do that. You’ve got so much to do already. And Seungmin won’t be happy either.” 

“It’s okay. He can deal with it. Besides, I want to help. I feel bad, I know what it’s like to lose a whole track, near completion. It’s a shitty feeling.” 

“You’d do that for me?” 

“Yeah man, what wouldn’t I do?” Some laughs. A soft smack. 

“Thanks. I really really really appreciate that.” 

“Of course. I just want to help.” 

 You peek around you, not moving your head to be more inconspicuous. Out of the corner of your eye, you see two boys sitting near the tree you were laying next to. They must not have seen you, considering you were behind them. The two boys seemed to be a bit lanky and awkward. One had blond-ish hair and was wearing all black, the other had chocolate brown hair and was fiddling around with his beanie in his hands. You quietly listened to their continuing conversation. 

“I just feel like the songs I’m submitting are all being struck down. I’m not really sure what to change about them.” 

The one with the beanie hugged his knees tightly to his chest. It seemed a bit hot to be wearing a beanie. But the same could be said for the one in black. You mentally rolled your eyes- boys. From their demeanor and way of talking, you assumed they were around the same age you were. Maybe the one in black was a little older. 

“I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with them Ji. Everyone’s just gotta focus on improving right now. I mean, look at Felix. He’s trying really hard to learn a new language he’s gotta sing in. Or Seungmin. He’s tasked with working on his dance. But like I said- there’s nothing wrong with their skills, they just have room to improve.” The older boy spoke so eloquently. ‘Ji’ as he was called, just nodded solemnly and looked off in thought. Chan, whose name you gathered from their approaching conversation, nudged his friend. 

“It’s just the beginning. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We haven’t even released a full album yet!” Chan giggled and you could hear the way his laugh trembled with excitement. It was contagious. 

“I guess you’re right.” Chan’s friend smiled. Chan just replied, “I’ve been here for years Jisung. I know a thing or two.” You smiled as Chan smiled, but quickly caught yourself for being creepy and listening in on a private conversation. However much you told yourself it wasn’t right, you couldn’t stop listening and focusing on how Chan encouraged his friend.

Even in the uncomfortable summer heat, surrounded by too many people and feeling uncomfortable emotions, Chan managed to lift his friend up out of the dumps. You were fascinated with the way this random boy managed to match the happiness of a puppy. 

The conversation went on for a little longer, but you tried not to listen in much, assuming a private conversation should stay that way. But for the rest of the day, the demeanor of ‘Chan’ left an impression on you. His smile and his ability to be a friend to lean on stuck to your memory. Even after the two boys had walked away, you replayed the way Chan had so wisely maneuvered his friend’s negative thoughts into ones seeking improvement. 

That afternoon, you decided to walk away from that park and get yourself that ice cream. While eating it, you wondered if you could ever be that type of person for your friends. You resolved to be that friend, walked up to the counter, and paid for the next person after you. That summer afternoon would stick with you for a long time. 

-

It wasn’t until you frequented that specific park that you noticed the same boy over and over again. As the summer heat died down and the leaves of the tree you sat by started to change colors and fall off, you began to notice Chan more and more. At first, it would be brief, in passing. He would walk by you as you sat on a nearby bench. Or he would be listening to some sort of music on a bench as you made your walk to your tree. But eventually, you saw him more and more, and he saw you. 

One day, he even said hi as you walked by. That was a mistake. You had walked by with your ice cream in hand (even in 50 degree weather) and he was seated on a bench when you two made eye contact. At first, you resolved to just walk past, but as soon as you tried to, he looked directly in your eyes and smiled. 

“Hi, how’s it going?” 

You tripped on the sidewalk crack. Fortunately, you didn’t fall. Unfortunately, your ice cream did. 

“Oh my gosh- I’m so sorry!” 

You put your hand over your mouth and stared at the now dirty ice cream on the sidewalk. For a split second, you didn’t know whether to shake your head and say it’s okay or to be shocked that he said hi to you. 

Chan had risen from the bench when you dropped your ice cream and was awkwardly sticking his hands out, prepared to catch you when you almost fell. You were standing with an empty ice cream cone. You realized that it was just silent and had to say something. You looked at Chan. 

“Oh no, It’s all good, it’s cold anyway.” You awkwardly laughed and looked around, not sure what to do. Should you be picking up the ice cream with a napkin? Do you just leave it there? You were so absorbed with the sidewalk that Chan’s response startled you. 

“I can get you another one, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that. It’s just, I’ve seen you around before and wanted to say something but I didn’t realize the sidewalk-” Chan rambled on and you stared at him wide-eyed. You blinked. The wind picked up. The napkin in your hand (from your bag of course) flew away. Chan shut his mouth and watched it fly away. It all happened so fast. 

The two of you ran after it, as it was the last one in your bag and he just wanted to help. The wind took the stupid napkin down a nearby hill and unfortunately as you reached for it, you lost your balance and fell forward. Chan, being the good guy he always was, reached for your waist as you fell in front of him and he lost his balance too. The two of you ended up in a heap at the bottom of the hill. It was a large hill. 

“I am so sorry, oh my god!” Chan immediately got on his knees and checked that you weren’t seriously injured. You groaned and sat on your butt, trying to pick pieces of dry grass from your hair. 

“It’s fine. I’m sorry, I’m super clumsy.” You huffed and rubbed your palms, which had scraped down on the way to the bottom. Chan reached for your elbow and hesitated. 

“Can I?” He wanted to check your arm. You nodded. He carefully reached and gently grabbed your palms, checking them for dirt. He blew off the debris and carefully inspected them. You winced, your palms felt raw. 

“They don’t look too bad, but some ointment and a bandaid should help. Are you okay? Do you need help getting up?” Chan looked at you. He was sitting on his knees and heels, leaning close to you. He must have crawled over to you after you fell. You shook your head, feeling your mouth go dry. This was super embarrassing. 

“Thanks for helping. I think I can get up.” You smiled painfully, feeling the true shock of embarrassment. You totally just dragged this guy down a super tall hill with you. For a napkin. He nodded and smiled back, revealing two deep dimples on his cheeks. Your cheeks turned red, but you looked down at your palms before he could see. 

He leaned back and stood up, reaching out to help in case you needed it. You attempted to get up, but the rawness of your palms burned so bad as soon as you put pressure to get up. You hissed. 

“Here- grab my forearm. Carefully.” Chan reached out with his arms and instructed you. You complied and he grabbed your own forearms from below. With a count to three and a little grunt, he pulled you up quickly. You felt a bit dizzy from the fall and sudden pull. Chan firmly held onto your arms and steadied you. 

“You okay?” He gently asked. You nodded and whispered a thank you. 

“Can you walk?” You blushed and nodded. 

“I can try?” You smelled his cologne. He was quite close. He looked you in the eyes with pure concern for a split second before breaking a wild grin. You smiled at his tousled hair and the dirt smear on his cheek. 

Chan laughed and sighed in relief. 

“Good. I thought I was going to have to cart you off this grass field with a stretcher.” He let go and you instantly missed the space where his hands had been grabbing you for support. You nervously laughed. 

“At least we didn’t break anything right?” You lightly joked and brushed some grass off your pants. He chuckled, the novelty and the awkwardness of the whole situation already passing by. 

“I’m really sorry about that by the way.” You tried to apologize again. He just shook his head and stuck his hands in his pocket. 

“Nah, I should be the one apologizing. I was the catalyst for the events that just took place.” He groaned and it was your turn to laugh at him. 

“It’s okay really.” You tried reassuring him. He suddenly got shy. 

“Do you want to get another ice cream? My treat.” He shyly asked. You blushed and felt your ears get hot. 

“As long as we don’t eat it by the hill, sure.” You joked. He smiled and laughed. You loved when he laughed like that. His dimples were eye-catching and his eyes sparkled. He motioned for you to lead the way and followed behind you up the hill, making sure if you fell again, that he’d be there to catch you. 

-

And here you were, about 5 years later. You and Chan were sitting across from each other on the couch that you both owned. Sitting in the apartment you shared with him. Sitting in the home you made with him. 5 years of dating later, you now shared your life with him. No more falls, no more spilled ice cream. Just him as your pillar. But all of that seemed so far away from you now. 

“Babe, I wanna fix this. I feel so bad, I really want to make it up to you.” Chan leaned forward to grab your hand, but you retracted it. Whether it was from anger, or from sadness, you didn’t care to be touching him right now. He had left you waiting on him, he had promised to take you out for a self-care day. But as usual, he ran late, and then late turned into not showing up at all. It was now the next day. 

Chan had turned up at your door with a bouquet of flowers and the clothes on his back. You had slammed the door in his face. 

“You forgot about me Chan.” You whispered and looked down, tears dripping off your chin. 

“Y/n. I’ll do better. I want to always be there for you. I want to be there when you need me and be there when you don’t. I love you. Please.” He desperately pleaded. You stared at your palms. The open windows of the apartment invited the cool summer breeze. You stared at the smooth lines on your palm, remembering the cool air you had felt when you first met Chan. The sounds of the swaying tree branches and children playing echoed in your ears. 

“Y/n?” Chan carefully studied you. 

You looked up at him and studied his eyes. You took in his appearance. He looked tired. He looked like he needed to shower. Like he needed to be hugged and reassured. You remembered the conversation he had with Jisung. How he turned Jisung’s negativity into encouragement. How his strong presence anchored the fleeting fear of Jisung’s mind. Your eyes softened and you reached out to hold his hands in yours. He tightly grabbed them and kissed your knuckles. 

“Chan? Remember when we fell down that hill after you made me drop my ice cream?” 

You smiled. He looked startled, but then his tired eyes curved with his smile. He chuckled in embarrassment. 

“Yea. I felt so bad. I was just trying to get your number.” He lovingly smiled at you, a twinge of embarrassment dusting his cheeks pink. You closed your eyes and held his hand, remembering the way he tightly gripped your arms that day. You remembered the soft smell of his cologne and the grassy smell of his jacket as he handed it to you on your walk to the ice cream shop. You rubbed his hand with your thumb and laughed. You truly remembered the tone of his voice as he comforted Jisung. You deeply remembered the concern in his words as he asked if you could walk on your own. 

“It’s okay Chan.” You looked up and he searched your eyes for any sort of anger. You smiled at him, and thought of all the times he had comforted you, or comforted anyone in his life. You realized then that all he truly wanted was to take care of the people he loved, even though he drew from an empty cup himself. You got up and he got up too, sighing as you hugged him close. You wanted to be that person for him, whenever he needed it the most. 

Feeling his hands, feeling the memories of your meeting in your palms, it made you remember the promise you made to yourself to be a pillar for anyone you knew. This wasn’t about you anymore. This was him too. So, instead of you, you chose the both of you. You chose him and you chose his well being. 

“It’s okay Channie. I’m here for you. I’ll always be.” You whispered and you pulled away slightly to kiss his cheek. 

Chan’s concerned face turned into one of deep relief and deep exhaustion. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes and you wiped them for him as they fell. 

“I love you so much Y/n. I just wanted to help.” 

His words echoed those of the words he had spoken five years ago. 

“Channie. Let me help you. You do so much for everyone, I think it’s time you get help too.” You gently told him and you held his face in your palms, glad that he had helped to heal them all those years ago. 

He nodded and closed his eyes, accepting your love and patience. You kissed his lips and he melted into your embrace. You held his face in your hands, ready to always keep the memory of him in your palms. 

[poetlcs]

2024 album listens

Recording all the albums I listened to in full for the first time in 2024. Albums released this year are marked with a *

Making Movies by Dire Straits. 5/5 Top 3: Romeo and Juliet, Hand to Hand, Tunnel Of Love

Light, Dark, Light Again by Angie McMahon 4/5 Top 3: Saturn Returning, Divine Fault Line, Staying Down Low I liked this album but I thought some songs sounded a little samey samey. It reminded me of Punisher a lot.

I Put a Spell on You by Nina Simone 4/5 Top 3: Feelin' Good, One September Day, July Tree I've listened to a lot of the songs on this album but never the whole thing top to bottom. I love her voice so much. I just think some of the best songs on this album are a LOT better then some of the lesser songs.

Summer Days by San Cisco. 3/5 top 3: summer days, lost without you, high I love San Cisco but lately their music hasn't hit as much. I thought this was a fairly so so album. Songs were nice but it felt a little uninspired

MADRA by newdad. 4.5/5 top 3: nosebleed, angel, sickly sweet BANGER of an album. Super cohesive with some really interesting riffs and bits and bobs on each song. I was shocked to see this is a debut album. one of those albums where you immediately go back to relisten to the songs. only took the 0.5 away cos I think it's slightly too long

Loss of Life by MGMT. 3/5 top 3: dancing in babylon, bubblegum dog, nothing changes It's okay - I just thought it didn't really stick. Like not much REALLY stood out

eternal sunshine by ariana grande. 4/5 top 3: supernatural, I wish I hated you, we can't be friends & bye This was close to being perfect but I really think it needed a powerful ballad in the middle and the writing to me was okay in parts but overrall i really liked it. her vocals sound amazing this is the first ari album I've truly enjoyed since thank u next

the rise and fall of a midwest princess by chappell roan 4.5/5 top 3: after midnight, red wine supernova, coffee bit late to this one IM SORRY but wow this is such a fun and excellent album. I couldn't stop smiling the entire way through. I love that it also has some more slow and intimate moments too. Really embodying the idea of the rise and fall in the way the tone goes up/down sad/happy you know. It feels both familiar and new at the same time which I love. Sort of reminded me of melodrama in the structure which I LOVE. The ONLY reason I took off the 0.5 is because I feel the start of the album was a lot stronger then the end. I even think possibly one song could be cut. But it's very good! loved it!

grace by jeff buckley. 4.5/5 top 3: lover, you should've come over, hallelujah, forget her I've probably listened to 70% of this album just never sat down to listen to it all in a row. anyways LYSCO/Hallelujah has to be one of the craziest back to back song pairings ever. This is suchh a beautiful album my ONLY issue is I don't like eternal life and don't think it fits the vibe. Amazing album though

cowboy carter by beyonce. 4/5 top 3: texas hold em, bodyguard, blackbiird I thought the production of this was the highlight. Also loved how stylistic it was, I love a concept album. Thought the first half was stronger and it's too long, which is why it's a 4 star. Blackbiird cover was GORGEOUS, Jolene cover I don't love as much. The original tracks are great with a feww I don't love as much. Overall very good! I will be listening a lot

found heaven by conan grey. 3/5 top 3: killing me, winner, alley rose I think I wanted to like this more than I did. I really love new wave and the production was GREAT, literally sounded like a song off an 80s album. But I overall found it kind of derivative. It was like oh yep thats the elton song, thats the joy division song, thats the queen song. It felt almost inauthentic at times, and maybe it's just because cowboy carter just came out and showed us all how it's done but it just felt too much like copying music rather than being inspired by. Some of the songs were big misses for me, and the highlights were definitely the ones with more vulnerable lyrics and singing.

the tortured poets department. not rated yet top 3: but daddy I love him, down bad, fortnight I am so torn on this album. There is some songs I love a lot, and some I don't care for much. This is hard for me to say because I LOVE Taylor and I'm an original fan. But this synth pop sound isn't my fave. I found myself irritated by the sound of some songs, especially fresh out the slammer and my boy only breaks his favourite toys. I don't like how with Antonoff's production I can recognise familiar melodies and synths from previous songs. I was hoping this song would be the return of some real GUITAR AND DRUM and it isn't as much. That said, I've been streaming it a lot. I like how confessional the song writing it (despite some clunky moments) and a florence feature is so exciting to me. I love the modernised love story with BDILH and I think I can do it with a broken heart is a fun song. I also liked whose afraid of little old me as a concept song. I think it's hard for me because I know I'm biased toward Taylor and will ultimately find something to love in everything she does, and I think for her this was a blurt and drop album. and so you just have to take it for what it is. But. I am really hoping for something a little different with the next release.

the tortured poets department: the anthology. not rated yet top 3: the black dog, the prophecy, the bolter Some of the above applies but I think overall I like this second album more. I think the black dog is one of her best releases yet and the prophecy is heartbreaking. It made me cry upon listen. I love Aaron Dessner. I do think there are some forgettable songs on this side as well though.

Silence is Loud by Nia Archives. 3/5 top 3: forbidden feelingz, cards on the table, nightmates I was surprised by this, the single doesn't sound like most of the album. This had more singing/talking than I expected and I kinda wish it had more dance/bangers. I did really like some songs though, but others were a bit forgettable. I think some more time with this could change my opinion a little though, though i'm not sure if that time will be agreeing it's forgettable or finding myself uncovering a little more here.

Oxalis EP by Swapmeet only 5 songs - mellow and laid back. Sort of a perfect driving in the car at night sort of sound, and I think I might revisit this album in that setting. Honestly don't think this was long enough to say much more. I'm intrigued, I'll look out for more! But I can't see this being a huge thing I revisit.

Fever by Kylie Minogue. 4/5 top 3: love at first sight, in your eyes, can't get you out of my head but duh so also more more more and dancefloor pop perfection I fear. unbelievably catchy melodies. I knew the popular songs ofc but the whole album really is a gem. I love the dance sound and cohesiveness of this album.

HIT ME HARD AND SOFT by Billie Eilish. 2/5 top 3: CHIHIRO, birds of a feather, bittersuite I wish I had liked this more. I'm ultimately not sure if Billie is really an artist I vibe with after I also found happier then ever a let down. I honestly just found this a little boring and repetitive. The singing style doesn't quite work for me. THAT SAID, the production in parts was excellent, specifically CHIHIRO I find myself coming back to a lot because I like how it sounds soo much. So that song is a real highlight for me in an okay album. I sort of just feel this album is lacking a story, I don't know what she was trying to tell me with this exactly. Maybe I'm just not the target audience.

[star-stream]

Bakuage 9, lets go~!

Chasshiro is so funny he doesnt even realize how much hes spoiling Taiya... Its really good how defensive he gets over it. "Well actually you too-!" eehhh? so petty!!! Well hes not wrong, Genba is also really "sweet" on him lol... the girls are fighting

Rika Matsumotos delivery (heh) of Bunchans lines in this episode was really good... When Bundorio said he was wandering around and crashed, then was surprised he was alive... was he despairing so much that he lost the will to live? Literally, but also in the way of "im living but am I actually alive" sort of meaning? Jou says later on, dreams are what keep you alive... Bun-chan... :(

Interestingly, their roles reversed here! Bundorio was originally the racer, and the way he acts, Taiya is definitely the mechanic. In car racing, the pit crew are also in charge of delivering the racecar back on the track, i love themes!!

Also in this scene, the production blog mentioned it was Iuchis idea to have Taiya eating one of Genbas lollipops, thats really good! I didnt expect them to know eachother even before Bunchan appeared (I guess Genba is the one who gave him a tow truck to move the unconscious Bun-chan!

傷いの傷いの飛んでけ！

Poor Yarucar!!! Hearing it cry was really sad! You put a bandaid on it, but then you kick Yarucar! You kick it like the football! No good!!!!!

Saibu Shirabe was also extremely good in this episode! I love a woman that drives like a maniac. Also... in reference to what Chasshiro said before, that Taiya is short on words... It just means hed rather show people or make people understand first hand! I feel i understand his character a lot better when he told Saibu "Maybe youll understand after you make a delivery". What well thought out character logic!!!

I really like that the resolution of their argument wasnt "Well, youve convinced us that your dream is noble so well follow you" but rather "It is okay to be a selfish dreamer, and so we will all each be selfish!"

Mira wants to hold her own steering wheel so she wants to make it clear that shes doing it because she wants to, Jou wants to be a hero, and an extension of that is protecting peoples dreams to protect their lives, Genba wants to cling onto his special seat!!

And Chasshiro...!

"Youve pulled me this far so now youre stuck with me" is it?! This can be selfish too! Its good to be selfish!!

BOONBOOM ROBO KNIGHT WAS REALLY BAKUAGE!! Did they set the sword on fire? that definitely seems like real fire!!!

Im really sad to see Madrex (AND HASHIRIKEN!!!!) exit already, they were so good that it just makes you wonder, if the temporary executive for the beginning episodes was this good just whats coming next...?! Of course, im excited to see it every week !

Since he got called out for being too sweet, hes trying to scold Taiya more, but it still comes off sweet, Chasshiro!!!!!

[sunnisurrealism]

Hi Timmy,

im sorry for my brash previous post. i did not intend to direct the salty energy towards you, i guess towards the universe in general. the fact that the package with the first usb was not delivered was a tremendous blow to me today. i wouldn't say it was karma because i dont think you deserve this but it does seem like some sort of divine irony. when you were waiting around this was probably slowly occurring to you. literally what a fucking troll. i really hope the next one actually sends! i kept the tracking receipt this time.

im also sad today because the smoke from the forest fires might prevent us from going to Assinaboine. if we dont go i'll be hella disappointed. but its been multiple years now that i couldn't go because of the smoke... which only seems to be getting worse... .... this town Jasper in the northern rockies caught fire today. shit is getting more scary :( Alberta and BC is very susceptible to climate impacts.

i dont really know what else i have to say until the package arrives. i guess i thought the cake scene was a confirmation. in general we all faces problems being too hot to the gun, probably. gotta keep the long distance one way interesting somehow with some trolling. i think the Bad Ass Shitey Donk Shitlords sent the package back, only explanation to me.

anyways the most important part of the current package on the way is the new plot stuff. tbh tho i did already explain all the main points in a post a few days back, i just forgot the part about the flute from your spirit dad somehow after you see the snake and bull. therefore there really isnt anything new intellectually. i reread my meanest messages to you breaking down why it wasnt okay and how conditional things do make sense as an apology and to emphasize that i am truly really sorry :( it also includes the og notes / out take drawings of the TFBD (to be passed along to Grimes), some gifts for grimes, some geschenken for MB ^uwu^, and some gifts / a USB for elon. i know this is inconvenient for you to pass along gifts but tbh with the way it went down i knew i had to send you the notes and the usb i was planning on using for you was the one i used for elon but then i found an extra so tbh i just feel like i didnt have the capacity or money to send multiple packages so im kindly asking you to pass gifts along assuming you wont be up tight about it. i did include some voices notes on elon's USB just for him, but i included the one i originally recorded for him about Das Booble Zwei to catch him up on lore on your usb as well. if you are curious of the shit i said to him it's mostly me emphasizing that our strengths compliment one another, and the worst i said was that sometimes i have a hard time imagining timmy and i having sex together. that was like a month ago tho and i've been healing. so if you're curious that's the worst is said.

now that we are just waiting to see if the package sends idk what else i can do. i am really done and tired. im really happy to be in calgary where my mom can cook for me and i have a bathroom close to my bed. my relationship with my family is 100% good.

i dearly miss you, i dearly love the trailer so much and congratulations! i wish more than anything we could cuddle and kiss to heal from all this shit. hopefully *again* in the dreamworld.

*edit “why conditional things do not make sense” jesus*

klara

[brzatto]

i love f1 i grew up with that dumb silly sport if i didn't limit myself on how many fics im writing i would've been thrown into one by now so im trying to be normal and finish what i have. i always get into rarepairs and write for them but im contributing to the problem too by not posting and staring at my google docs hoping it just finishes itself. whats worse is that carmrich is such a good ship there is so much packed into both their characters that goes together and fits into so many aus i hate their repressed traumatised asses so much (affectionate)

the only knowledge i had about f1 prior to this was basically just being aware of its existence and originally i just thought it’d be hot if carmy were a racecar driver but in his same sad obliviously sexy tormented way plus the basis of his character translates very well into f1verse (growing up with racing instead of cooking and developing his passion for it through mikey, losing mikey to a racing accident and therefore dedicating himself to going pro in mikey’s honor, his one track minded ambition, his passion, his drive, his competitiveness, starting out super young and very quickly being able to accelerate to the top etc etc; these things all make way more sense for him as a racer than as a chef tbh because i’m still trying to figure out when he had time to complete culinary school and establish himself in fine dining before being named food&wine’s best new chef at 21) but then as i started learning more and more about the sport all the pieces just continued to fall into place. in my au sydney is also a racer and her and carmy definitely have a vicious unspoken rivalry going on like everything about their canon relationship meshes so well with the au it’s a little nutty (also richie is carmy’s race engineer LMFAO.) i think my original vision for the au was generally pretty lighthearted but as i started actually writing it it started becoming weirdly angsty? it’s always complicated putting carmrich in aus because the foundation of their dynamic carries over and they’re just two dysfunctional painful men no matter how you look at them. i’ve imagined them in way too many aus to count (f1, pacrim, thg, stargate atlantis, avatar but like the blue people, old western but think more like brokeback mountain vibes rather than your average spaghetti western, etc etc you get the idea) and a lot of them are a little outlandish and suuuper detached from canon but that’s what fanfiction is for that’s what makes it fun!!! especially for a fandom like the bear where most if not all the fic content is still kept pretty close within the limits of the canon universe and doesn’t really stray too far from the canon setting + a ship like carmrich which is already rare and has very little fan content to its name i think we def need more silly little aus that explore their dynamic in new ways apart from canon while keeping the basis of their characters the same. their dynamic is sooo good and layered and deliciously complex whether you interpret them as romantic or not they always deserve to be explored more methinks

it’s also always interesting hearing about what other people’s writing processes are like because for me i can’t ever limit myself to only working on a handful of fics at once because all my ideas/aus come to me in maladaptive daydreams where i literally write out paragraphs word for word in my head so i HAVE to put them down or else i’ll lose them forever. i think people who commit themselves to just one fic/a certain number of fics at a time are super impressive but unfortunately i will always be cursed to cycling between 50 different google docs and creating new ones on a whim each time anything remotely new pops into my head. props to you

[tiktaaliker]

AND THE AUDIOBOOK REVIEWS CONTINUE:

The Lost Hero (heroes of olympus book 1): ok so i think this worked out better for me than the lightning thief because i havent read this one as many times AND its been longer since i last read it so i wasnt as familiar with the story beats. kept me entertained enough, ending kinda dragged a bit. Overall pretty good, kept me entertained for a shift or two

Exit Strategy (murderbot book 4): very good time as they always are. I do feel like i have to mention that this is probably one of my least favorite of the murderbot books in that for a really long time i thought that the events of this book was actually the ending of book 3. Dont get me wrong tho i still like it a lot. Still way better than a lot of the other things ive listened to during work, and i even enjoyed it more than i expected to lol

Watership Down: see ok. I like watership down. I like it a LOT. but its just not a listen to during work sort of book. I think i stopped right after the "when they catch you they will kill you but first they must catch you" part because i was like. you know what im not actually in the mood to listen about rabbit politics rn and was just in it for the El-ahrairah part

The Hidden Oracle (trials of apollo book 1): i havent actually read this one before, and had only grabbed it because son of neptune was still on hold, but it ended up being my favorite of the rick riordan audiobooks ive tried so far. Ive found that i like first person a lot for audiobooks- im not always a fan of it normally but it just WORKS in this format really well as long as the narrator can pull it off. This one was definitely a good one, and i could totally believe the voice for "greek god forced to live as a sad pathetic teenager"

Fugitive Telemetry (murderbot book 6): fun fact this is actually the one i had read most revently because i hadnt realized i had skipped over the book in my first read through of the series lol. Anyways this one is REALLY good, turns out murderbot lends itself EXTREMELY well for a murder mystery, and knowing the twist didnt make the story any less entertaining. Excellent narration as always. Also once again affirming my belief that first person pov lends itself EXTREMELY well for audiobooks. i also have to mention that yes i did skip book 5 but thats because for SOME reason 5 was on hold for WAAAAAAY longer than any other book in this series. no fucking clue why

System Collapse (murderbot book 7): i mean. its really fucking good. need i say more

Gideon the Ninth: honestly was a bit wary of the narration/voices at first but they grew on me very quickly. i thiiink i mightve been rushing through my original read through because there was a TON of details i missed the first time through i caught onto a lot easier with the audiobook. Also i found it way easier to keep track of whos who with the distinct voices than it was in the book. im really bad with names so having big casts in books sometimes makes me really confused lol. VERY good adaptation of the book, very entertaining while also long enough to last like 3 shifts which is definitely a bonus

Eragon: mannn i wanted to like this one SO badly. this series wouldve been GREAT because its so fucking long and i REALLY love some of the later books. but jesus fucking christ i hate the voice the narrator gave saphira so bad its not even funny. i dropped the book as soon as i realized they were gonna stick with it for the entire series

The son of neptune (heroes of olympus book 2): ok i didnt really remember all that much from this book and i just couldnt get into it. i think if i want to go through this series again it just has to be while im Not At Work. it doesnt help that i started it pretty late into a shift so the next day i just decided id rather find something else to listen to. Thats always a big part of wether or not i listen to an audiobook im only kinda into- its always a Big Hassle to switch books mid-shift if i dont already have something lined up but i can always find something else while at home for the following shift

Wayside school books 1-3: grouped together because they were in one audiofile together as a collection. I fucking LOVED these books as a kid and tbh they held up really well even today. Tbh i think this was probably baby me's earliest forray into surrealist horror. Theres some wack shit in these books. It was narrated by the author, and it was done really well! Felt like a storytime at the library. Nice to listen to while working!

The Song of Achilles: do you have any idea how hard it was sometimes to have conversations with my coworkers while this was playing. It was really fucking good and a FANTASTIC narration it was just really funny sometimes when i was having a conversation about how our new courier company sucks and how our osmo analyzer was completely borked while having ancient greek gay sex narrated into one ear. Also a few times where i had to keep a straight face when internally i was just

my thoughts on the stuff ive listened to during work; note that im not basing my reviews on how good the actual book is, its based on how my personal experience was to listen to the audiobook while working in the lab

Animorphs books 1-3: i read this series as a kid but only once, so i was familiar with the story enough to not get distracted but i had forgotten enough of the details to be kept engaged. Voice acting was fine, tolerable to listen to, character voices distinct enough to differentiate without being annoying (albiet with at least one exception). Biggest issue is length- since my shifts are 8 hours, i got through the first 3 books in a single shift, and the specific version i was listening to was split up into a handful of short parts each book so i kept having to switch to the next video, which was way too much of a momentum-stopper (and work interruption) to stick with this series specifically.

The Witcher books 1+2: eh. was fine enough. once again this was something i was familiar enough with to follow without having to worry too much about missing details, while also being somewhat entertaining. i think i liked it a lot better to read than to listen to. voice acting was fine. biggest issue was that i had finally gotten used to the narrator pronouncing dandelion as dan-DIL-leon for the first book but in the second book he switched to pronouncing it as DAN-dee-lion and i had to stop partway through because of it

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: i remember enjoying reading it a lot more than listening. Ill be the first to admit that im kind of picky about audiobook narration and this one just didnt hit right, but was overall a good experience. Voice acting was fine, and the actual story was very entertaining as expected. Perfectly acceptable.

Discworld books 1-2: extremely good listens. Voice acting was great, character voices were fun and fit the characters really well, only skirted the line of being annoying. fantastic story, but not too complicated or unfamiliar, so i could still follow and be entertained while still focusing on work. Will probably continue the series at some point, but giving myself a buffer period before i start up again to avoid series burnout

Malevolent parts 41-44 (catching up with the podcast lol): man. theres just something about listening to a guy getting gutted and filled with maggots while working in the lab of a hospital. like broooo you are going to get sepsis!!! Very good listen, as expected, just kinda funny trying to keep a straight face while talking to coworkers and simultaneously listening to arthur's no good very bad day

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell: probably the best one so far for what im using these for. The length meant i was able to spend like 4 whole shifts on the one audiobook. Footnotes were incorporated fantastically, narrator and voice acting was phenomenal, and its also pretty much my favorite book of all time. Ive read this SEVERAL times, but because of how fucking huge this thing is theres a lot of details i forgot about or misremembered. Only issue is that it was split up into several audio tracks, so i had to switch to the next one a few times per shift. They were each around 2 hours long however, so it wasnt too inconvenient. Also at one point i fucked up and accidentally skipped like 8 whole hours without realizing until after an hour in where they referenced an event i KNEW i hadnt gotten to yet lol

Catch-22: man they really went all fucking OUT on the voice acting here. All characters are EXTREMELY distinct, so im very easily able to tell who's talking even without speaking tags. One of my pet peeves in audiobooks is when the narrator whisper-yells when a character is meant to be screaming. That does not happen here. Narrator fucking COMMITS. Yelling, sobbing, laughing, all of it. Fucking fantastic. Phenomenal as an audiobook, i think i mightve even enjoyed it even better than actually reading it.

Slaughterhouse-five: man. this one is ALSO an audiobook that is fucking PHENOMENAL. biggest problem is that i got WAYYY too into it. I really needed to just sit down and soak it in, which was not very condusive to a workplace environment. I now have a self-imposed limit where im not going to be listening to any more vonnegut books from now on because i KNOW itll have a similar affect

His majesty's dragon: this one couldve been good, but the recording i found was not. The guy reading it did a big spiel at the beginning of each chapter and kept adding unneeded commentary like it was a middle school read along. Im going to be getting a library card today so i can use libby, so i might come back to this once i get access to an actual official audiobook lol

murder on the orient express: nope. barely lasted three minutes into this one

percy jackson and the lightning thief: see this is an example of something ive actually read too many times as a kid so i know the book too well for an audiobook to be entertaining. Dropped it after less than a chapter.

the kane chronicles: had potential, i remember liking the story a lot as a kid but i hadnt read it nearly as much as the pjo series, and i think it wouldve been at least vaguely entertaining. However, half the book has one of the narrator sdoing a really bad british accent for his sister's voicelines and i just couldnt do it. i didnt have the strength. Dropped after maybe 4 chapters.

Camp Damascus: the only audiobook of the lot that i actually bought, and the first one i got through that i hadnt read the physical book before. Interesting story, ok voice acting. Solid choice to listen to. Not quite what i was expecting, but pretty good story! Had some EXTREMELY gnarly descriptions of body horror thrown in at like. two points of the story maybe. Didnt really affect me personally but kinda threw me off in a 'this feels like a different story entirely' sort of way. Dont have much else to say here since these reviews are more talking about my experience with these as audiobooks specifically, and i havent read the book itself to be able to compare this one.

[haitaniapologist]

TR 268, THE FIRST TIMELINE, AND OTHER THOUGHTS 

i’m not one of doing theories because i’m dumb to do such things, but today seems to be a day where god decided to light my head and i had some good thoughts about what currently is happening in tokyo revengers. most of this probably doesn’t even make sense, but hey! tokrev isn’t either. warnings for spoilers of both tokyo revengers and the netflix german show “dark”. 

i’ll divide this theory (idk if i can call this a theory djhsgdja) in four parts! 

shinichiro, mikey and the first timeline. 

the black dragons

what might happen 

more questions i had

that being said, let’s go!! 

SHINICHIRO, MIKEY AND THE FIRST TIMELINE

wakasa’s line really fucked up my head when i first read it. what the hell did he mean with first timeline? the og timeline that takemichi died after being pushed in the train tracks, where draken, hina and naoto died too? it’s probably this one he’s referencing, but this timeline being known as the first one, implies that we have an original timeline — which is quite confusing, because to us, this one wakasa was talking about was the original timeline. 

to me, our original timeline was the timeline shinichiro was trying to create, but he died before he could make sure everything would be fine. 

since he’s now confirmed to be another time-leaper and was time leaping to save mikey, just like takemichi, also implies that something happened to mikey — maybe he died or even went insane because of his dark impulses, but i doubt that. i reached the conclusion that mikey’s dark impulses were born due to shinichiro’s time leaps, even if he didn’t know he was their reason to exist (idk how, though). 

i think mikey died in shinichiro’s original timeline. 

maybe in the car accident that killed papa sano, or in a gang war (i’ll elaborate this, i promise). but i’m sure og’s mikey died as a child/pre-teen, and shinichiro couldn’t get over it. as to how he gained his powers, i think something similar to takemichi must’ve happened to him, or the “deity” (hanma shuji im looking at you rn) of such powers approached him and offered him the chance to save his brother. of course he couldn’t say no. we know how much of a caring older brother shin was, and his death probably affected the other members of his family as well — grandpa sano, emma, and probably even mama sano. shinichiro wanted to save everyone from the sadness of losing such a bright kid. 

shinichiro managed to do it — idk in how many tries, but at least a few — which resulted in takemichi’s original timeline. 

but as i said, shinichiro died before he could make sure mikey would be saved, in which resulted in everything we know from our og timeline — draken dying in the moebius fight, kisaki using this to be toman’s top two and mikey losing himself to his darkness. 

and then takemichi came into the picture. we know akkun was the one who pushed in on takemichi’s first timeline, but who did on his og one? we know it was someone wearing a black and long t-shirt or jacket — sanzu was wearing a black t-shirt on his volume’s undercover, but the black dragons’ uniform is black, too.

THE BLACK DRAGONS

i’m sure shinichiro created the black dragons to save mikey. 

remember when i said i think mikey died in a gang war? and i think i know which one it was — the one between waka’s and benkei’s former gangs, kodo rengo and ragnarok. we don’t know if there was really a gang war between them, but from takeomi’s flashback, we can understand that they at least fought with each other a lot. to the sake of my thoughts, i think mikey must’ve died in a fight between the two gangs, being caught in the crossfire by accident. baji and sanzu were probably with him, too, and perhaps even died alongside their friend. 

anyways. as soon as shinichiro got his timeleaping powers, i’m sure he did exactly what takemichi did — become the top one of a gang, to prevent his beloved one from dying, and he succeeded. we always thought about how shin managed to become the black dragons’ president and stop the war between benkei and wakasa, because we knew he didn’t have fighting skills — and charisma doesn’t win a war. since he’s a time leaper, i’m sure he did what takemichi and naoto were doing, aka searching for things to help him to change the timeline. he was getting the help of someone else if he was doing that, and it probably was takeomi. i’ll not elaborate on this because i'm still waiting for him to come back. 

the main thing is: shinichiro created the black dragons to unite benkei and wakasa, and prevent the battle that killed mikey from happening, gathering info that would help him achieve it. and he did, successfully, and he saved his little brother! but he didn’t know he was going to die, because he didn’t time leaped to make sure things would be fine for him and his family, or if something was going to happen that he needed to prevent — but kazutora was ready to kill god or become god, and shin died before seeing what would happen with mikey’s dark impulses.

WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN 

be aware that this section will contain spoilers of the third season of “dark” 

we have two directions the story can follow: 

takemichi prevents shinichiro’s death, preserving the future he tried so hard to have.

takemichi prevents mikey’s death from the og timeline, preventing shin to become a time leaper. 

the first one is a theory that everyone knows about, but i don’t think it’s the only correct answer for what takemichi needs to do. mikey would still have the dark impulses, and we don’t know if shinichiro being alive would prevent everything from happening — if mikey fell to his darkness, which i think it's a creation of shin’s time leaping without him knowing, i don’t think his brother would be able to take him from it. 

the key is to save mikey, but not this mikey. 

“dark” is a german show that deals with time travel, too. i love it and watched it twice, and i think its ending might have some clues about what will happen in tokyo revengers. to not spoil too much people that didn’t watch it, i’ll just say that jonas, the main character, was trying to prevent himself from becoming the big bad, by doing everything he could after being caught in the madness of time traveling — but he was already falling in the same circle his past/future self did, and he needed to break it. and to break it, he couldn’t save his timeline, but prevent a trigger from happening. that trigger was the death of the son of the creator of the time travel machine, who created it to save his son, but something bad happened when he was creating it, which resulted in the birth of jonas’ timeline. so jonas saved the creator’s son and the time travel machine wasn’t built.

the main thing is: to save mikey, takemichi can’t try to save what is already rotten. he needs to prevent the trigger of shinichiro’s time leaping from happening, which is og mikey’s death. 

saving mikey is still the goal, but not in the way we’re thinking. 

how takemichi will do it? only wakui knows (if that’s his plan).

MORE QUESTIONS 

this section will be just a few thoughts i had during the day and when i thought about this post

who was shinichiro’s trigger? wakasa knew about the time leaping, but i don’t see why he could be shin’s trigger. maybe takeomi? especially if haruchiyo died with mikey in the og timeline. 

if wakasa knew about it, it means takeomi and benkei did too. but why didn't they look after mikey after shin passed away? did they think shin knew he was going to die or something and thought mikey’s future was already what shinichiro wanted? 

where the scar incident fit in? and how sanzu knows about the time leaping? did he hear shinichiro talking about it with takeomi on the day of the incident, or do we have another time leaper? 

how the fuck hanma fits in all of this. we have so many clues about him being a time leaper too, i’ll kill wakui if that was just misleading things. 

how the dark impulses were created. mikey said it was because of shinichiro’s love and i interpreted it as the result of his time leapings. but i could still be wrong. 

who pushed takemichi on the train tracks on his original timeline and why they did it. it was wakasa, benkei or takeomi, trying to find someone who could save shinichiro? was it sanzu? hanma?

anyways, thank you for reading all of this!!! i don’t have nothing to support my thoughts, just the voices in my head.

[sunsetserenade]

damn it’s an angst fest in this tag 😭😭 i completely get it, but like. yknow. it’s kinda sad to come into this tag and see negativity/doubt/people giving up. i don’t mean to be rude in any way, i just wish we’d focus on positives and remember all the things that have been built up/hinted at/given to us.

ive seen a couple people mention the fact that if the duffers forgot will’s birthday, they may have forgotten the details of “the first day that we met”, via mike’s speech to a possessed will in s2 since those were mentioned around the same time.

im gonna say no way.

this season is entirely focused on the past. beginnings.

if will does (and he will) get vecna’d, it would be almost anticlimactic if it wasn’t brought up.

when el stopped One originally, she overpowered him not with an angry memory, but with a memory of her mother saying “I love you.”

it was a bittersweet memory. a warm memory with sad connotations. a happy memory that, when looking back on, makes you sad and angry even if the memory itself isn’t dark.

(It is also, technically, the first day her and her mother met.)

im going into a bit of speculation here, so take the following with a grain of salt, but i have a feeling we may see a slight falling out between mike and will in volume 2. it may not be a fight like season 3, or even anything verbal, but there may be an obvious distance between them. will knows mike is trying to get back to el while mike is juggling feelings he doesn’t understand. it creates tension.

will might take it personally. he will take it personally; he just won’t voice it. that’s how he is. he’s been led to believe (by his father and by bullies) that he’s not worth the trouble. so if he gets vecna’d, and we see flashbacks of his past, it almost has to include the first day that mike and will met. he’d be sad at the thought of mike pulling away from him (cough cough hopper’s letter cough cough) and reminisce about their past.

and even if none of that happens, like mike and will falling out a little, it still feels like that memory has to happen, yknow? their whole thing is about not losing each other. so why wouldn’t you look into the first day they connected?

does this make sense? that’s at least my two cents for the “first day we met” aspect.

for the birthday… although disappointing, i may give them a bit of leeway here. in their defense, i am also shit at remembering birthdays.

but… i don’t know. they worked on st4 for 2+ years… I find it hard to believe no one on the team remembered the detail, especially a story editor whose job is literally keeping track of that stuff. it sits weird with me, but mistakes do happen. even the most meticulous writers will miss their own details. it happens, and im not gonna hold it against them. it’s entirely possible that will’s birthday was genuinely not a significant part of this season’s story. we did kinda hype it up a lot despite, yknow, not being writers of the show and simply guessing.

agh. i guess what im trying to say overall here is to not be angry if we’re wrong. we’re not bound to get everything, but we’ve already been given a lot. i think the “the first day that we met” flashback is inevitable, but the birthday mention is up in the air. (…haha)

so let’s see what happens in a month, shall we?

[chaeryybomb]

BRUTAL

pairings: female reader x best friend!jungwon

summary: they told you that these were the golden years, but to you "golden" was a rusting metal spray painted yellow. the story of a seventeen year old trying to survive high school when all you do is try your best. but your best friend jungwon makes it worth the while. 

genre: high school au, friends to lovers, fluff, tiny bits of angst if you squint, attempt at humour

featuring: jang wonyoung, kim sunoo & nishimura riki 

word count: 4.5k 

warnings: reader having a existential crisis most of the time, strong language, mentions of insecurity

the sour series masterlist

You slumped forward the moment the bell rang, letting your head hit the table. You could care less if a bruise would form on your forehead, you had much bigger things to worry about. Your teacher left the class wordlessly as the class was busy doing their own thing. And by that, everyone was buried nose deep in studying. You lifted your head to see the different books of the same topic scattered on your desk, a yellow highlighter balancing on the edge of your table.

Reaching over to grab the highlighter, you turned your head over to the side to look at your desk mate. Wonyoung sat there looking straight out from a k-drama, with her hair flowing down her back perfectly and her slender nimble fingers moving as she continuously wrote in her notebook. She was smart too, fluent in English and Korean, great at maths and science. And on top of that she was kind and friendly, everyone loved her. You did too, you had the honour of calling her your best friend. But sometimes you felt insecure around her, everything she did looked flawless and there you were just trying your best.

"Ack!" You yelped as you sat up straight, holding your forehead. Wonyoung rolled her eyes at you with a small smile on her lips, she had flicked your forehead to get you out of your thoughts.

Without taking her eyes off the textbook, she tapped your own workbook with her pen. Silently telling you to stop procrastinating. You pouted at her and looked at the clock, 10 minutes before lunch. Maybe a walk to the girl's bathroom would do you some good.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," you whispered to Wonyoung. She nodded and smiled at you before you walked out.

As you strolled towards the girl's bathroom, you passed by the bulletin board outside your class. A bright blue poster stood out with the words "ENJOY YOUR YOUTH" in white. Scoffing at the message, you continued on your way.

"I'm seventeen now, where's my fucking teenage dream?" You muttered to yourself. You were tired of waiting for your life to end up like a coming of age movie. Everyone told you that these were the golden years and you should enjoy your youth, but you swear to god if you hear another one of those cheesy sayings, you might just cry on the spot.

Reaching over to open the stall door, you halt in your actions when you heard familiar voices talking.

"I'm so worried for finals, my parents are gonna kill me if I fail English again," a girl complained. You hear the sound of tap water running. "How are you so calm during this time, Mirae?'

"What's the use of studying hard anyways," the second girl, Mirae, said. "We all know the top spots are gonna be taken by Jang Wonyoung and Yang Jungwon, I just study enough to pass."

The other girl snorted at her reply. "Imagine if those two got together, the power couple of the year," she suddenly said.

"Poor Y/N then, she's gonna be over shadowed by them."

"As if she already isn't. I almost forgot they were a trio until you mentioned Y/N," the girl laughed.

"What can I say? They're out of her league," Mirae joined in with her laughter.

The two voices faded away as you heard the door closed. Finally pushing the door open, you looked at your reflection. Your eyebrows knitted in annoyance and your face was morphed in a scowl. You washed your hands aggressively and poked the inside of your cheek. What bugged you was that they were right. You were the black sheep between Wonyoung and Jungwon. Both of them were smart and amazing, and you're just…you.

You love your best friends, you truly do. But you were constantly compared to them and you hated it. Everyone wanted them, you watched as guys tripped over to confess to Wonyoung and girls squealing when Jungwon smiled at them. The two of them always reassured you that you weren't beneath them but you were sick of their sympathy. You're so caught up in the news of who likes you and who hates them. You just wished people liked you more.

Storming out of the bathroom, someone accidentally ran into you and caused you to fell onto your butt. The student immediately stood up and scurried off, not bothering to even a mutter an apology. All I did was try my best and this is the thanks I get, you thought bitterly.

They said that these were the golden years, but you wished you could just disappear. God, it's brutal out here.

"Y/N, wait up!" Jungwon called after you.

You stopped in your tracks as you watched Jungwon waved goodbye to some students before jogging towards you.

"You heading to cram school today?" He asked you as the both of you fell into the same walking rhythm.

You shook your head, clasping your hands behind. "I moved it to Thursday instead, Wonyoung said I had to many things on Tuesday," you told him. Originally, you would be heading to the library to study before heading over to the cram school. But Wonyoung took one look at your schedule and decided that you did not had enough breaks, so she managed to convince you to take the Thursday slot instead. Thursdays are one of the days where you would not go to the library.

Jungwon seemed to be disappointed to find out that you had switched slots. Maybe he should changed slots too, but does he have any empty spots open for Thursday though? He'd have to check later. Instead, he coughed and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"Do you wanna come over later? The new Demon Slayer movie is out," he offered, hoping that you'd accept.

Unfortunately, you once again shook your head. "Sorry Jungwon, I'd want to cram even more later. Finals are really creeping in and I can't afford to waste any time," you told him with a sad smile. As much as you would like to ditch the books and watch Demon Slayer, the glaring C on your last history paper was telling you otherwise.

You stopped walking when you had reached your doorstep. "Thanks for walking me home, Jungwon. See you tomorrow!" and with that you disappeared behind the door.

Jungwon waved goodbye as he watched the door closed. The smile on his face dropped and his shoulder sagged. Jungwon you idiot, of course she would want to study, he scolded himself. With disappointment on his face, he trudged home with a heavy heart.

"Change of plans, guys," he announced as he swung the front door open, unfazed by the fact that Riki and Sunoo were lounging on his coach. He accepted the fact that Sunoo had somehow gotten the keys to his house (suspecting that his mother probably gave it to him due to favouritism or maybe Riki had sneakily made a copy).

Riki's head poked out from the couch. "She rejected you, didn't she," the younger boy said with a smirk.

Jungwon's face ears turned red as he glared at the boy. "No she did not!" He immediately told him. "She rejected the offer to watch the movie, that's different!"

"That's basically rejection, hyung," Riki laughed.

The other boy just glared at him. "Shut up!" he sputtered out before hiking up the stairs.

Sunoo gave Riki a look, to which the Japanese boy just shrugged his shoulders innocently.

Jungwon walked out from the shower, a towel around his neck with one hand running through his damp hair. Sunoo and Riki had left earlier, finally giving him some peace and quiet. His phone screen was flashing from his study table, initiating that someone was spamming him (quite aggressively) with text message. With a raised eyebrow, he picked up his phone

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:10 pm] wonyoung: WHY DID Y/N JUST MESSAGED ME ABOUT HOMEWORK

[7:10 pm] wonyoung: ISNT SHE WITH YOU

[7:11 pm] wonyoung: I THOUGHT YOU SAID U WERE GONNA WATCH A MOVIE

[7:11 pm] wonyoung: DEMON HUNTER OR SMTG

[7:12 pm] wonyoung: WHY IS SHE ASKING ME FOR HW

[7:12 pm] wonyoung: DID U CHICKEN OUT???

[7:13 pm] wonyoung: omg u chickened out didnt u

[7:14 pm] jungwon: jfc wonyoung

[7:15 pm] jungwon: and no i did not chicken out okay

[7:15 pm] jungwon: she declined

[7:16 pm] jungwon: she said she had to study ;-;

[7:17 pm] wonyoung: omg u suck

[7:17 pm] wonyoung: i told u the movie idea was dumb

[7:18 pm] wonyoung: but do u ever listen to me

[7:18 pm] wonyoung: no

[7:19 pm] wonyoung: and now u suffer the consequences

[7:20 pm] jungwon: yea yea i get it im dumb

[7:20 pm] jungwon: now what's ur solution the great jang wonyoung

[7:21 pm] wonyoung: i am so glad u asked :)

[7:21 pm] jungwon: oh no

[7:21 pm] wonyoung: stfu im giving u a better idea

[7:22 pm] wonyoung: a n y w a y s

[7:22 pm] wonyoung: my ynradar is going off and she's s a d

[7:23 pm] jungwon: how would u know

[7:23 pm] jungwon: she seemed fine today

[7:23 pm] wonyoung: stfu jungwon its best friend things u wont understand

[7:24 pm] jungwon: i-

[7:25 pm] wonyoung: and as her future bf u SHOULD start to train ur ynradar

[7:25 pm] wonyoung: anw its exam season stoopid

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: and its when those kids start to talk abt how the both of us are gonna get top scores

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: and they talk down on y/n while doing so

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: assholes

[7:27 pm] wonyoung: so i propose to u

[7:27 pm] wonyoung: a ✨ study date ✨

[7:28 pm] jungwon: i

[7:29 pm] jungwon: that's

[7:29 pm] jungwon: actually not a bad idea

[7:30 pm] wonyoung: obv i came up with it

[7:31 pm] jungwon: can u not

[7:31 pm] wonyoung: anw a study date

[7:32 pm] wonyoung: she's struggling in maths

[7:33 pm] wonyoung: specifically taxes because she said and i quote

[7:34 pm] wonyoung: "why do we have to do taxes when we pay people to do it for us"

[7:34 pm] wonyoung: so pls help her and try to cheer her up

[7:35 pm] wonyoung: and confess coward

[7:36 pm] jungwon: i make no promises for the last one

[7:36 pm] wonyoung: aFTER EVERYTHING I JUST SAID

[7:37 pm] jungwon: what if she rejects me wonyoung

[7:38 pm] wonyoung: WE'VE HAD THIS CONVERSATION A LOT OF TIMES JUNGWON

[7:38 pm] wonyoung: SHE LIKES U BUT SHES TOO DUMB TO REALISE

[7:39 pm] jungwon: sigh

[7:40 pm] jungwon: fine i'll try thanks wonyoung

[7:41 pm] wonyoung: np i expect y'all to be a couple by next monday <3

[7:41 pm] jungwon: i-

Sighing for the nth time of the night, Jungwon sat on his bed. He allowed the towel to slipped off his shoulders as his thumb hovered over your chat icon. Truth be told, he always thought his crush on you was unrequited love. You never showed any signs of returning of feelings so he thought he would just ignore the feeling until it was gone.

But oh boy was he wrong, because he didn't knew that he would be spending his high school years by your side. And now you occupy his mind 24/7. Wonyoung could literally tell that he was in love with you, but somehow you never caught on. He allowed Sunoo and Riki to convince him to do the whole "movie date idea", but that failed. So Wonyoung's suggestion was his only option left.

He typed out the message, ready to send it out. If only he could just press the button. Come on Yang Jungwon, you can do this. Just press the damn button Jungwon. Suddenly his phone pinged loudly, scaring the lights out of the poor boy as he yelped and his phone landed with a thud on the ground. He peered over his bed, as if his phone was a ticking bomb.

Oh, it was a message from you.

[8:01 pm] y/n: hey do u know where wonyoung is

[8:01 pm] y/n: she isn't answering my texts

Oh no. He realised that your chat was open, the two ticks indicated that he had (unintentionally) read the message. He couldn't just leave you on read. That's just evil. Scrambling to get his phone, he immediately typed a reply to cover for the other girl.

[8:02 pm] jungwon: sorry i don't :/

[8:02 pm] jungwon: what do u need her for

[8:03 pm] y/n: mf was supposed to teach me a maths question but she left me on rEAD

This was his chance! It was the perfect opportunity for him to score a date with you. Okay, breathe in breath out Jungwon. Don't mess it up and just ask her, he mentally prepared himself.

[8:04 pm] jungwon: oh i could help you if you want

[8:04 pm] jungwon: yk with finals coming up and everything, i can help you study

[8:05 pm] jungwon: if you want of course

[8:05 pm] y/n: omg srsly??

[8:06 pm] jungwon: pls help me study my braincells are literally dying

[8:07 pm] jungwon: jdsjkda okay how about this saturday at your place?

[8:08 pm] y/n: yeah sure

[8:08 pm] jungwon: cool its a date then!

You blinked at Jungwon's message. A date? Wait, did Yang Jungwon just indirectly asked you out? Nah, nah. You were overthinking it. Yes, definitely overthinking. Don't kid yourself, why would Jungwon ask you out on a date? Jungwon is just a friend, you tried to convince yourself.

Keyword: tried.

If he really was just a friend, then why did it felt like butterflies were in your stomach when he said "it was a date"? Then why did you frowned when those girls said that Wonyoung and Jungwon would make a good couple?

Oh god, do you have feelings for your best friend?

Saturday came faster than you would have liked it to. Ever since that last chat with Jungwon, it gave you the sudden realisation that you did in fact had feelings for your best friend. You tried so hard to avoid him in school because you don't want the butterflies back in your stomach. It was basically confirming the fact that you like him. Well, avoiding him also confirmed the fact but you choose to be in denial about it.

You didn't tell Wonyoung about your study date but lately she's been sending you outfit ideas on Pinterest. Specifically, date outftis. And whenever you tried to ask her a question about school, she brushed you off with a random excuse. So it left you no choice but to save those questions for Jungwon.

Speaking of Jungwon, he had texted you 10 minutes ago that he was on the way. You were standing in the middle of your room with your hands on your hips. Both of your parents were out for the day, which left you alone at home. You had taken out the low table to be used later and it was currently in front of you. Colourful workbooks were neatly stacked on top of it.

You did a 360 turn around your room. Was it messy? You cleaned it this morning when you woke up. Did you had any clothes out? No, doesn't look like it. For some reason, you were a nervous wreck. You blamed Jungwon. He just had to call this a date, didn't he.

Should you change? Maybe you should finally look through all those pins Wonyoung sent. Wait, no, why would you have to change into something nice. Jungwon was here to help you study, just that.

Yeah, a study date, your mind emphasised on the word.

The sound of the doorbell pulled you out from your thoughts. You immediately went to open the door. Yang Jungwon stood there on the other side, with his signature smile. Had he always resembled a sheep? He just looked so fluffy.

"Hey!" You greeted him with a smile, internally wincing at your way-too-enthusiastic voice.

But Jungwon didn't seem to mind it. "Hey!" he greeted back.

You moved to the side to let him in. "Thank you for having me," he said as he bowed then proceeded to remove his shoes.

"Uh, do you want anything? Water?" You asked him.

He shook his head.

"Ah, cool. Let's head to my room," you started to walk back to your room.

"Where are your parents?" He asked.

"Out," you simply replied.

That was when it dawned upon you, that your parents were not home. Leaving you and Jungwon, alone. Together. In your room. Alone. With the boy you potentially have a crush on.

"Y/N?" Jungwon tapped on your shoulder. You had stopped walking when you were suddenly washed over by your thoughts. Snapping out of it, you sent him a small smile before opening the room to your door.

The both of you shuffled into your bedroom, you sat down in front of the low table while Jungwon settled down next to you. He moved to take out his books then turned to you. "How about we do some studying and if you have any questions, you can ask me okay?" He said.

You nodded and flipped your own workbook open, immediately starting to work on the first question. Jungwon copied your action and a comfortable silence engulfed the both of you. As the time passed, you found yourself stuck on a certain maths question.

You slightly turned your head to the side to look at Jungwon. He was concentrated at doing his work, you felt a sense of deja vu while looking at him. He resembled Wonyoung when she was studying. At the thought of Wonyoung, you suddenly thought of what those girls said at the bathroom.

They would make a good couple, wouldn't they, you thought. The power couple of the year.

The butterflies in your stomach faded away into an uncomfortable feeling. Just the idea of them getting together already made you sick. You bit the inside of your cheek, you really did had feelings for him. And now it scared you because what if he doesn't feel the same. You made a mental note to consult with Wonyoung later, at least you hope that you'll allow yourself to tell her.

Jungwon must've noticed you staring and gently tapped your head with his pencil. A contrast to when Wonyoung painfully flicked your forehead.

"What's wrong? Are you stuck on a question?" He asked.

You leaned back a bit at the sudden action. You were so deep in your insecurities that you had totally forgotten about the literal problem sitting in front of you. Yet you couldn't even bother to ask him so you just shook your head. "I'm gonna get something to drink," you said instead.

Jungwon watched as you stood up, then decided to follow you as well. "I'll come along."

The boy joined you in the kitchen, perched on one of the island stools as you grabbed a can of soda from the fridge. He studied your movement as you worked around the kitchen. Your features were neutral, you weren't smiling nor frowning. But he could tell that your shoulders were tensed. Wonyoung was right, you did seem down. And he cursed himself for not noticing earlier.

"You okay?" His question made you stopped in a mid-pour stance, the can of soda was tilted but not enough for the contents to be poured out.

You brushed his question off and poured the drink into the cup. "Yeah," you hummed.

Unconvinced by your answer, he pried more. "You know you shouldn't care about what they say, right?"

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, pretending like you didn't understand where he was coming from.

"You're not below us, you know that right?"

You couldn't help but scoffed at his words. Jungwon's lips tugged downwards "I'm being serious here, Y/N," his tone was stern. "You shouldn't listen to what they say. You're more than just-"

The sound of the can being slammed down shuts him up. Your fingers tightened around the can as you looked at him. You didn't had the energy to hear him preach the same old "Don't Listen To Them" speech. You don't need his pity.

"I don't want to hear it, Yang Jungwon," you said through gritted teeth. Not sparing him another glance, you threw the empty can into the trash as you grabbed your glass.

As you walked past Jungwon, he suddenly reached out and held onto your forearm. "Y/N," he said softly. "Please tell me what's wrong."

You sighed and slowly turn around to face him, placing the glass back on the counter. You took in a deep breath before you opened your mouth. "I feel like I'm not enough," you finally said. "Everything I do just doesn't seem enough. All I'm doing is my best but it's just crushing my ego because everyone is telling me that you're better than me."

"I feel like no one wants me and I hate the way I'm perceived. It's always poor Y/N this and poor Y/N that's because everyone just sees me as your shadow and I fucking hate it. I only have two real friends," you gestured wildly. "And lately I'm a nervous wreck cause I keep comparing myself to the two of you. I'm not cool and I'm not smart, and I can't even parallel park!" You threw your hands up in frustration, the feelings you kept inside were pouring out like a waterfall.

Jungwon just stood there as he listened tentatively to every word. He didn't knew that you felt this way, bottling up all your emotions like that.

"And I'm so tired of people telling me to enjoy my youth and that these are the golden years. I might just fucking cry if I hear those words again," you finished ranting. It felt good, it felt like a weight on your heart has been lifted. Then you remembered that you just dumped all of it on Jungwon.

You opened your mouth to apologise to him but he surprised you by pulling him into his arms. At first you were standing stiffly at the sudden contact, but it took a millisecond for you to melt in his embrace. His arms were gently around your back and you returned the hug by wrapping your arms around his torso. The two of you stay in that position for awhile, relishing in each other's embrace. You definitely needed this hug.

Tightening your hold on Jungwon, you realised how important he was to you. He was your best friend and he was always there for you. It was stupid of you to compare yourself to him, when all he did was tried his best for you. The taller boy chuckled when he felt you rubbed your face into his shoulder, he involuntarily released a contented sigh. You felt one of his hands stroked your hair, it felt comforting. That action itself was enough for the butterflies to slowly settled back in you.

After a while, both of you finally (unwillingly) released each other. He pushed a strand of hair behind your ears and said, "You're wrong by the way." Which made you tilt your head in genuine confusion.

"You are cool and you are smart. You're like the coolest person I know. And no one thinks of you as our shadow, you don't hear it but I've always hear the juniors praising you for helping them and how enthusiastic you are," the way he delivered his words was filled with pure awe for you.

"And who cares if you can't parallel park. You didn't hear it from but Jay hyung failed his drivers test three times just because he couldn't parallel park," and that got a laugh out from you. Jungwon smiled proudly that he managed to make you laugh. "And you're wrong when you said no one wants you. I want you."

You blinked once, twice and thrice. He wanted you? "You're just saying that cause you're my best friend," you replied.

"No," he firmly said. "I like you, Y/N."

(Jungwon doesn't know where he got this sudden surge of confidence, but the mood was the perfect time for him to confess. It was a one time chance and he had to take it.)

You chuckled. "I like you too, Jungwon. We are friends aren't we?"

"No, Y/N. I like you. More than friends."

"Oh." Oh.

"Yeah," he scratched the back of neck awkwardly. Oh no, did you not feel the same way?

While you on the other hand, were malfunctioning on the inside. Your best friend just confessed to you and you were frozen on the spot. Why couldn't he had done it over text instead. If he had done it over text, then you could've left the message unread and you could've spammed Wonyoung for help. But the thing is that it wasn't over text and you couldn't just tell him to wait here while you panicked to Wonyoung in your bathroom.

Yang Jungwon likes you. And you like him too, right? Because if you didn't, your cheeks won't be heating up right now and your heart would have not be beating rapidly like it was going to break your rib cage any second. If you didn't like him, there would have never been butterflies in your stomach. Yeah. You like Yang Jungwon, you like him a lot.

"Me too," you whispered, it was soft but it was enough for him to pick it up. Jungwon eyes snapped to you, doe eyed filled with hope. "I like you, too," you said, this time louder. And you made sure you looked him in the eye when you confessed.

You watched as Jungwon's mouth morphed into a big grin. He let out a sigh of relief and dropped to his knees, surprising you. "Jungwon!" you squeaked, bending down to help him.

"I'm fine! I'm fine," he assured you as he stood up with your help. The grin on his face was still there. "It's just that … you like me," he breathed out. "You like me back, wow. I-I can't believe it."

Your face was definitely burning with embarrassment. You punched him lightly on the shoulder, turning away to hide your face. "Believe it, you dork. I like you, okay!" Somehow his grin was able to grew wider at your words, Gently, he took your hand in his.

"How about we stop this study date, and I'll take you out on real date?"

© chaeryybomb 2021

a/n: thank you so much for reading this <3

[louismygf]

I'm soooo excited for the album I honestly cannot wait so I wanted to ask you to rank the song by the titles and what we know about them so far ! and you can add what do you expect from all of them if you have certain expectations

omgie an ask ! lovely :) im superrr excited too and reading fan reactions/comments from the listening parties is so intriguing and also so annoying im incredibly jealous😭

answer under the cut bc i got way too excited and typed my heart out !! louis' music is a Very Good topic imo it should be talked about more often rather than....... anything else🥴💘 (warning: ridiculously long-ass answer below LOL)

initial predictions

okay i would just like to start by giving you the predictions i made before we got any interviews and before we got the full tracklist (when we were unscrambling letters basically)! sadly i never completed it bc i got busy,,, i think i was kinda close with Written All Over Your face and Bigger Than Me, though!!!

i originally thought we'd get 16 songs for standard and 18 for deluxe 🥹 (im kinda right!!) and i thought we would get 5 singles, but now i'm thinking 3 hehe (edit: actually 2 now but let's just say 3 for the sake of this ask)

my song ranking (by title & vibes):

my ranking is based on how intrigued i am by the title and also by the song's description, so basically the songs i'm most excited for! admittedly my ranking changed lot as we learned more information about the songs. i'll also add in my opinions/predictions ab the song. obviously, i know nothing; i could be extremely wrong. also here's a summary of what we know so far by @silverfoxlou 🫶🏽 your post helped a lot when i made this hehe thank u <3

1. Silver Tongues:

"a joyful and wholesome moment that honors the little intricacies of his relationship"

when it's louis' favorite, you Know it's a banger. i'm Veryyy intrigued by this song because louis described it as a high energy song but the lyrics are said to be joyful and wholesome? the little intricacies of his relationship? sounds like an interesting combination. Kill My Mind's sister? or ONE of kmm's sisters?? it's interesting to me how. kmm is an upbeat high energy song but with a kind of toxic relationship with a person or thing,,, this one's a Also an upbeat high energy song but! with a more well-adjusted relationship, i'd say- maybe that's growth... i do have a feeling we're getting multiple kmm's 🥹 he really really really likes this one! kmm was my top 3 in walls <3 it's going to be super fun for louis performing this live and for fans screaming the lyrics back to him. superrrr excited!!!

2. Out of my System

"a pulsating, punk-tinged Arctic Monkeys-inspired track... indie rock", (either 'Teddy Picker' or 'Dancing Shoes'), "a song that is as punk as I can get away with" (Altpress), "

guys, this is the mussy song. i Love arctic monkeys, are you kidding me!!!! this is going to slap so good i just know it. the partial lyrics can seen in the merch! back when we didnt know what sounds inspired fitf, the lyrics did seem very sad but with a punk/emo/grunge feel i think it could work and not be as depressing as the lyrics make it out to be! louis also listed this as his top 3, too so im expecting a lot <3 if i had to guess, this song is about releasing tension, letting go, just. relieving stress and just going with the flow kinda thing? it's a release. also is this going to be released as the next single????? will fitf even have another single???? he better release it soon bc theres no way he'd have enough time to promo the next single (if he even plans to have promo......). fitf + new single promo seems like a bad business decision idk . the streets r saying oct 28th so watch out for that ! (edit: WAIT could be sooner actually???????? excited!!!!!!!)

3. Written All Over Your Face:

"an infectious indie floor-filler... reminiscent of the first two Arctic Monkeys albums", "a song that is as punk as I can get away with" (Euphoria), "punchy energy", "has a slick funky guitar groove"

i was! kinda right, right??? with my initial predictions? it sounds like an argument to me. the peer review results are in, this is the "whiny whore louis song" 😭 the one where his voice is described as "whiny and raspy and... sexual". we already have the lyrics so we know it's not an actual sex song. he starts this song w "hey babe",,, who does that. an arctic monkeys inspired song that's high energy and is paired with a voice that makes you want to bend him over??!??!!? sign me the FUCK up !!!!!!!!!!

4. Face the Music:

"good and bad and right and wrong are stories made up when we are young to scare us" (lyrics), "[this song] took the longest [to complete]"

wait i dont actually know why this song is so high on my list,,,, it's probably bc shes so mysterious and bc we havent heard a lot about her so im very curious. i want this to be a diss track! i think we need more of louis (righteously) talking shit <3 he needs to get angry ! call them out ! if this song's not about a particular relationship,,, maybe it could be about the music industry??? facing the music is having to deal with the consequences of your actions. louis voice: thought-provoking title. i don't have much input on this song but. anyway, this lyric snippet speaks to me in an lgbt way but that's only bc i'm gay 💘

5. That's the Way Love Goes:

"melodic and most tender song", "a little ballad moment", "a non-sexual love between two best friends", "an interesting story, an interesting visual going through the song"

platonic relationships mean the world to me you do not understand... But . i'm a little scared it's going to be another Perfect Now........ ok listen. listen!! louis said he's "confident that this is a song fans are going to adore", and you know he said that with pn,,, i know the themes of both songs are incredibly different, but i don't trust louis' perception of his fans bc i did Not like that song lol. i hope when he means fans, he doesn't mean 1d fans,, my problem with pn was mostly in the concept of the song... the cheesy lyrics werent cutting it for me either,, the melody was alright, but it really did sound like a 1d song. another thought that went through my head (that i mentioned earlier in my initial predictions!) is that it could parallel Only the Brave. i'm loving how louis seems to always end his albums with songs dedicated to love (otb being the unofficial queer love anthem, ttwlg being a louli anthem song ab platonic love). can't wait to hear the lyrics, and the sonic omg it's a ballad ! cant wait to hear how it sounds.

6. Saturdays

"a pretty emotional vocal... I remember being pretty emotional recording the vocals."

"a sad bop",,,, people who've heard it said it was a sad bop !!! saturdays as a title gave me the impression of nostalgia, fun childhood memories kinda thing... saturday cartoons, saturday sleepovers, saturday messing around with friends, just. a fun & cozy vibe i absolutely did not expect a sad one out of this. maybe it's sad nostalgia? some longing? louis also said this was like his top 2 song on fitf, and he said he remembered being emotional while recording the vocals :,o Change vibes tbh but i guess with more melancholy? really like the concept that i completely assumed & literally just made up (lol). watch me be so wrong about this lol😭

7. The Greatest:

"a celebration of [Louis and the fans'] relationship", "specifically written as a tour opener", "propulsive opening track", "musically, it's interesting", "there's probably not another song like that on the record"

so like We Made It !!! immediately, i'm imagining massive drums, massive guitars, loud booming volume at the start of the song and a big chorus that will set the energy for tour way up high. the title feels very grand, so sonically, i'm thinking it will match the title. louis starting an album very strong with The Greatest and then ending with a more mellow one like That's the Way Love Goes is <3

8. Angels Fly:

“Angels Fly” suggest the sort of stadium grandeur we know he’s capable of

what a pretty title. i want this one to be a rock song, or a rock song but like a dance-y one. based on the title alone, initially, i thought this would be like Two of Us, but rn im highly doubting we'll get a heavy grief laden song bc as louis said: "there's a weight to that record [Walls album] emotionally, and I needed to go through that process, but it's not really how I carry myself as a person." so since it probably won't be like tou, and since louis loooves being quirky, he'd probably go the polar opposite of what i expect(ed). i try to outsmart louis but who am i kidding, this man is literally insane i do Not stand a chance. really pretty title though !

9. Chicago:

"it's about a person", "past love story"

lordie it's About A Person,,, 'kay.... "a deep track",,,,, what got jojo wright thinking "who [Chicago] is about, what happened..." yknow, i'm a nosey person; i'm a chismosa- but when it comes to louis' love life, i dont know, i would just... rather stay oblivious lol (given the kind of insane people this fandom has🥴). im absolutely Not looking forward to how #they will twist his lyrics to fit #their narrative. im literally just here for the music, man. well,,, fandom aside, i sense a lot of hurt in this one. louis did say he got emotional while recording this one so there's that. anyway, using songs as proof for thories about an artist's personal life is actually demented literally just enjoy the song and go :)

10. Paradise:

only on faith in the future target exclusive and hmv vinyl deluxe

dave gibson uses the sea as this song's visuals. this one's on the deluxe/exclusive version... dave has been teasing this song since forever, i wonder what it's about. louis wrote Walls, Saved by a Stranger, Chicago, Face the Music, and Out of my System with dave, so already my expections for this song are high!! it's on the deluxe/exclusive, and alongside Copy of a Copy of a Copy! in my mind this one's already a certified banger. louis hasn't acknowledged this song (for now), i don't think..... he's gatekeeping it bc it's just that good i know it.

11. Common People:

"about reconnecting with his roots in Doncaster", "how amazing the people are there",

(lyrics) "when i get lost, i go back to where i started", a song about how his hometown keeps him grounded... maybe he's aiming to make a song that can be played in donny pubs, that'd be cute :) i'm betting on a fun song for this one! originally, bc of the title, i thought this would lean more on social issues bc louis once said he plans on writing those but i think he'll keep it light on this one and focus more on the home feeling. warm, mellow, and cozy— very home-y. a love letter to doncaster :D solidarity, camaraderie, unity sort of thing

12. Holding Onto Heartache:

nothing yet

painful title. louis,,, why hold onto heartache...? i was shocked when these are the words we got after unscrambling. is it cliché to think this one's a ballad? if so then im betting this is the opposite of that lol. rock!! or? a rock ballad maybe??!? dance-y rock ballad??!?? LOL we dont have much info on this one so im really just pulling all this out of my ass.

13. Lucky Again:

leaked last august, nothing official has been released(?)

well, this one got leaked in august and i still have 0 idea what it sounds like or what it could be about. i *have* heard others say that it's really good, or it should've been the lead single as opposed to Bigger Than Me. i don't really want too many songs that talk about romantic love tbh, so im retracting my original prediction & im going to say it's ab his career,,, life in general maybe? feeling lucky again for being given another shot.... at his career.....? he's been using the phrase "i've been lucky enough..." in interviews in regards to things hes done/things he had the opportunity to do so it could relate to that,, guys idk i am just a girl. i feel like this one will knock me off my feet bc i kinda blocked it out; i have been purposefully ignoring it to avoid spoilers😭

14. She is Beauty We are World Class:

"dance genre", was written together with Saturdays and Silver Tongues

the title is definitely the most interesting. i honestly have nooo clue. for some reason, when i search up world class, it directs me to the football definition of world class so 😭 it wouldn't surprise me y'know...... it's a song you can shake your ass to! play this one on football stadiums (just like what didn't happen to kmm lmao)! i personally don't listen to dance music a whole lot but if dmas can change louis' mind then im hoping louis can change mine too. i feel like im giving her a hard time ever since he said this was dance-y, but real talk, i think i'll like her a lot!!! just like all the songs on here i truly feel there won't be a big miss yknow !

15. Headline:

full lyrics

well, we already have the lyrics. i keep trying to make up melodies to match the lyrics for this one (lol) and i already know whatever i come up with will be absolute shit compared to what louis' cooked up. hmmm.... (shitty lyric analysis ahead) "you used to read me like a headline",,,, headlines, well, they're usually bad. or negative is the word. louis has a cynical view on journalism written about him. generally, it seems like he doesn't like them. they're clickbait-y, they're sometimes false, they pull viewers in using shock factor— it doesn't give you the full picture is the thing. being read like a headline sounds awful. this implies his partner doesn't actually know him that well, or has a one-dimensional view of him. the lyrics "so fast to judge in error, you thought you knew me better" support that idea. the opening and ending lyric,,, "sometimes i wake up and i hear you through the silence" and "...wake up and i wish you were beside me",

16. All This Time:

"dance genre"

in my head, it makes perfect sense to group this title with Back To You, Miss You, Always You, and Habit, and All Along🫣 but obviously, i could be completely and embarrassingly wrong. louis is the king of writing songs about missing/going back to toxic, unhealthy relationships and based on the title alone, i think this has similar themes to those songs. this song was described as dance-y though, so i'm really feeling the Always You theme. i don't want AY's "i miss you 🥺, i was so wrong for leaving you🥺" though, i want this one to burn though; i want it to go for the throat. edit: he played this on the listening parties & people said this was actually kind of laid back???? almost lo-fi sound??? alt indie electronica dance?? people who went to the listening parties don't talk about this song much😭 and it's the lowest on my list,,,,, i'm sure it's a great song though!!!!!

[the songs below don't count on the song ranking bc we already heard 'em, so... but here are my thoughts!]

17. Bigger Than Me:

lead single!!! this is my First!!! Ever!!!!! louis official song release🥹🥹🥹 shes very special to me 🫶 tbh i didnt expect this kind of sound for fitf! my first impression of this song was that it sounded like a blend of Walls and Defenceless. it could've easily fit with Walls album, too. it's a really good, upbeat song, im obsessed. i do admit it wasnt love at first listen but that's only bc i expected he'd go for a rocky-er song. the instrumentation is in this one, his vocals, lyrics that actually Mean something,,, mwa chefs kiss! amazing choice for a lead single (but for some reason isn't being pushed by radio lmao.......)

18. Saved by a Stranger:

"vulnerable and poignant"

19. Copy of a Copy of a Copy (Live from Lima):

a moving song, it came at a very unexpected time too (near btm release week, when there was much happiness and excitement about the new era). the lyrics are simple but they weigh heavy on my heart. this being the accompanying song to Bigger Than Me (song about acceptance, healing and growth) is a deliberate choice by louis, and that fact makes me miserable!!!!! i like the themes (ugly face of fame, comfort in anonymity, genuine human connections, and obvious references to depression and suicide) and how it was delivered soo simply but, aaughhHH thinking about this song long enough always puts me to tears :( also i just wanna say,,,, i personally do not think the "she" are the fans like🧍‍♀️ it's a song that portrays fame in quite a negative light, so the fans he earned from that same fame is not what saved him... i think! personally!!! it's someone who doesn't even know who he is "and i wonder if she still remembers me". having a person you do not even know care about your safety and wellbeing only because you share the experience of being human with them. that is just me though so if u disagree and have your own personal meaning to this song, then it's totally fine!!! take what u want from this song. OH and also, it sounds like the guitar part in the afhf doc !

still my number one! the revelation that louis wrote it all by himself is incredibly sexy, and just reaffirms how much of an amazing songwriter he is. the sound editing/production of Bigger Than Me (Live from Milan) was amazing, so i cannot wait how copy (live) will sound!

tbh when i typed it all out as a list and seeing which songs are higher than the other, i feel unsure lol i'm not 100% on it! it's fine though bc i havent heard any of these (except for btm, sbas & coacoac)!!!!!!!! it's going to change drastically once fitf is released anyway <3

my album expectations:

okay,, album expectations/predictions time !

overall genre: grunge-y indie rock, alternative, pop punk, pop rock, soft rock(?), alternative dance(???), some ballads here and there but generally big and loud songs meant for live shows, arenas and stadiums <3

fitf concept will be about: love and healing, growth, and having faith in the future, acceptance, changes, & coming of age,,, i want him to talk some shit too though 👀

i think we'll get 3 singles: (1) Bigger Than Me, & my guesses: (2) Out of My Sytem (3) Lucky Again (starting to really doubt we'd get a third single bc it's so quiet & releasing a single close to the album release is a little dumb i think, but at the same time having only 2 singles feels wrong..... well, this was my original prediction so im sticking w 3 even though it'd be weird to at this point)

this tweet that says with the listening parties, he's letting fans hear the "mid" songs😭 so this means allll the songs he's still gatekeeping from us are his best!!!!! (not saturdays tho bc it's in his top 3... grain of salt bc ik some bitches r liars)

he said it's not as polished as walls, not as heavy emotionally, so i think we'll get an album that's just him having fun with the sounds and trying new things- lighter, more spontaneous & dance-y vibe. he said it would give us hope.

of course, im expecting the lyric quality to be better than walls ! i personally thought otb was his best song lyrically from walls (regardless of the discourse on whether he wrote on it or blah), so i cant wait for him to top that! (im team otb > copy lyrics wise btw)

i still want a song similar to Miss You so he can tour it

i hope we can hear more of louis' vocal range on this album <3 bigger than me already delivered but i need more 😋🤲

i still think the tiny bit the band plays after kmm is actually part of a song from fitf bc apparently louis already finished 99% of it before(!!!) tour started,,, i could be super wrong lol

louis will actually play guitar on stage before the encore i know it bc he told me ;)

i expect to completely fall head over heels in love with this album!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ramzawrites]

Ah right sorry! I dont know how but my brain was like 'yes discord is exists in minecraft'- Yes of course I dont mind! You can do whatever you want with the request :) Good im happy to hear that! And Thank you!

Original Request: Could I request a shy and quiet reader forgetting they're on a discord call and starts to sing a song that they are listening to? and whoever is on call with them joins in? maybe with Tommy, Wilbur and some other characters you want to write for :)

Remember to eat and drink water!

Secret Singing - Reader Insert

GN

Pairings: none stated but can be read as Wilbur x Reader

Characters included: Wilbur, Tommy, Jack Manifold

Warnings: n/a

Series: a request <3

Summary: Wilbur was busy, but not busy enough to help Y/N set up their workspace at their favorite spot! Going off to fulfill his own errands only to come back to a nice and beautiful tune in the air. 

Words count: 2125

Authors Note: Lmao you are valid, I mean after all skype is canon in the dsmp 💔 Skype my abhorred 💔

Also adhd went brrr again, I tried looking over it a ton but there might still be a few mistakes!

“Oh, wow! Need any help with that, Y/N? That’s a lot of wool you got there!” Wilbur was running through L’Manberg to deal with some errands but stopped in his tracks, having to do a double take as he just saw a mountain of blue wool on legs walk towards his direction. Only then did he notice that it was Y/N who was holding on to a basket with the wool in their arms.

With a concentrated expression Y/N turned around a bit so they could look at him. Pieces of loose wool was laying in their hair or was stuck on their flushed face “Oh! Didn’t see you there! And it’s alright! I’m just getting it over to my bench!”

With their bench they meant the wooden bench they set up themself next to a small pond. They loved working close by it hence the bench to make it a bit more comfortable. It was also still a minute or two off and with the way Y/N was already struggling with the basket, Wilbur couldn’t just stand and watch. How could he hope to be a proper president when he didn’t help people who clearly needed it?

He shook his head with a fond smile on his face, stepping closer to grab the basket from them “Nope, let me help you. Not taking no for an answer.”

Y/N let out a few weak protests but ended up just pushing it into his arms, not wanting to accidentally spill the freshly treated wool unto the ground.

“Hey, um, be- bend down a little, Wil.” their voice weak and wavering like usual. Their shyness getting ahold of them again.

Not even thinking about why they asked this of him, he obliged. They then scoped up the top of the soft mountain so Wilbur had actually a chance to look across. He might be tall but that didn’t help when you held something big in your own arms.

With a soft satisfied smile they begun moving again and for a second Wilbur just stared as he readjusted his grip on the surprisingly heavy basket that Y/N probably made themself. Following after them and making sure that no stray pieces of wool would fall off.

“So, what’s all the blue wool for?” he asked.

For some reason this seemed to amuse Y/N “Well, a lot of our clothes use blue wool. The flag as well! I need some blue thread to either stitch some more flags down on clothing or when repairing them. Same for the flags flying about. General stitching. Besides can’t hurt to have some extra, might even sell some!”

In hindsight this made sense. When this whole L’Manberg situation started out Y/N offered to help stitch together their torn clothes. Over time they got really good at it and nowadays they have kind of turned into the resident seamstress.

Wilbur once apologized for pushing them into this profession only for them to vehemently shake their head “No! It’s fine! I- I enjoy it! It, uh, it also gives me something else to do than worry about our existence.”

He couldn’t argue with that. It was something that he lacked. Everything he did was dedicated to this new nation after all and he would lie, and he did, if this didn’t take a bit of a toll on him sometimes.

Once they arrived at the bench, Wilbur softly placed down the wool next to the seating area as Y/N carefully returned the extra wool back on top. They then sat down on the bench while taking out their tools out of their inventory to turn the wool into yarn or thread.

It wasn’t unusual finding them working here, especially when the weather was playing nice. Often enough sitting together with other people in sometimes comfortable silence or happy chatter. Either making thread, stitching or whatever work they had to do and could do outside.

“Thank you, Wilbur! I’m sure you are busy so I won’t keep you longer but you are welcome to join me if you are done with work before me.”

Wilbur picked some of the stray wool off his uniform and sighed, not particularly looking forward to the work “Yeah. I’ll come around if I can. I’m going to meet up with Tommy in a bit so he might join as well, not sure though.”

Y/N nervously chuckled “Yeah, don’t worry. I know.”

They then begun to set up their tools to start working. Not even looking after Wilbur who begun walking off again in a snail’s pace. He really wasn’t looking forward to his work at the moment but alas it was very important.

It took a bit, but he soon arrived at the building he and Tommy set up as something of a headquarter. It was basically just a room covered in maps, scrapped ideas, plans and a few weapon and armor pieces.

Tommy was already waiting inside for him. He looked a bit annoyed with his arms in front of his chest. Before he could complain to him though Wilbur already threw his arm around Tommy and led him to his latest sketched out plan for L’Manburg. Trying to distract him with work.

They were mostly discussing how to ensure the safety of the new nation and how to create a functioning system inside that would ensure that everything inside would move along smoothly.

Hours passed as they schemed and begun setting a few safety measures up or helped the residents of L’Manberg where they could. Jack Manifold later joined them as well. Helping and even offering ideas of his own to incorporate.

“I think that is all we can do for today. I’m getting seriously tired.” Jack sighed, cleaning the dust off his hands on his own clothes.

“You’re going home?” Tommy asked.

Jack crossed his arms, his eyes wandered off to the side behind his mismatched glasses as he thought for a second “Mh, I was hoping we could hang a bit, you know, outside of work. Haven’t done that in a while.”

“Oh! I promised to maybe spend some time with Y/N if they are still at their pond!” Wilbur suddenly exclaimed, remembering the exchange from a few hours ago.

A happy smile appeared on Jack’s face “Let’s go together then! I haven’t seen them in a while, and it’s been even longer that I hung out with them while they worked. It’s always very calming for some reason.” The last part he muttered but Wilbur caught it.

He wasn’t the only one who thought like this. Most of the people in L’Manberg were drawn to them especially in this chaotic time. It was nice having someone like that around.

“Guess I’ll come with you.” Tommy suddenly exclaimed, pulling Wilbur back out of his thoughts.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, why not. I need to ask them to look at my coat anyhow.”

With that the group begun moving, it was slowly getting darker, but it was still warm outside, so if they were lucky, Y/N was still out.

They were chatting about what they were planning to do next or in Jack’s and Tommy’s case what they have been up to only for them to get interrupted by a tune that the wind carried over to them.

A bit surprised Wilbur looked at the others, hoping to see if they too hear it and true enough, they seemed to be just as surprised as them. Someone was singing but he has never heard a voice like this.

Frankly, it was beautiful.

The tune was sounding sad and yet the lyrics that accompanied it were hopeful. Wishing for peace in a time of turmoil. Promises of a better time filled with a deep love via the voice.

It was a song that none of them ever have ever heard. An original song perhaps?

But what really surprised them was from what direction the music came from.

It came from the pond. From Y/N’s bench.

Almost as if they were worried to scare away a wild animal, they begun to sneak towards said pond. Staying off the path and taking a wild berth. Hiding behind the trees, trying to avoid that if their hunch were right, that Y/N wouldn’t see them approaching.

Wilbur pressed his index finger against his pursed lips as they got closer, motioning for the others to keep quiet. To which Tommy just rolled his eyes, seeing how this was obvious.

Jack slowly moved around the tree and there he saw it.

Y/N was sitting on the bench, their legs crossed with a piece of fabric in their hands that they seemed to stich another L’Manburg flag into. Slowly moving their head from one side to the next to the rhythm of the song.

Wilbur followed suit, using his superior height to peak his head out above Jack while Tommy crouched down to do the same.

They were still intently staring at their handiwork, pushing the nail and thread into the cloth only to pull it out again. Their mouth turned into a happy little smile as they sang this hopefully hymn.

“Wow, I didn’t think they could sing like that.” Jack whispered, looking up to Wilbur.

He nodded, his eyes continuing to rest on Y/N’s happy expression “Yeah. It’s beautiful.”

“I guess it’s fine.” Tommy just whispered back. Of course, he still had to put on his cool dude persona.

Wilbur flicked Tommy’s head “Just say for once what you really think!” He still made sure to keep his voice down, not having heard enough of the song and Y/N’s voice yet.

Tommy scowled and jumped back so he was standing at his full height again “What do you mean? I say what I think! The hell are you talking about!” He tried to keep his voice down but at the end he got louder which made Wilbur panic and clasp his hand around Tommy’s mouth.

Though Tommy saw this coming and dodged out of the way by ducking, resulting in Wilbur to fall over. Crashing into Tommy and pushing him onto the ground, both of them letting out a startled yell.

The singing immediately stopped.

“Ah! Look what you have done!” Jack whined, helping the two reluctantly up.

“Well, if Tommy would have shut his mouth!”

“You attacked me!”

“I did not! I was trying to shut you up!”

“Guys?” a soft and unsure voice broke through their argument.

All three men slowly turned around to see Y/N clutching the piece of cloth they had been working on close to their chest. Avoiding any eye contact. Their face covered in a deep blush. Chewing on their lower lip.

“Are you okay? I- I heard a thud and- I just- I wanted to make sure-“ they stammered.

Tommy seemed to be confused at that “What? No. You were singing though, right Y/N?” Getting straight to the point apparently.

“Tommy!” Both Jack and Wilbur yelled out in outrage.

Y/N’s eyes widened, and they moved the cloth up to their face. Effectively hiding behind it “No. I- uh. I’m sorry?”

“What are you sorry for? Your voice is amazing! Why haven’t you told us you can sing?” Wilbur stepped closer. His eyes wide as well but in amazement.

Though Y/N seemed to cower down even more the closer he got “Because- Because I can’t. Please just forget about it.”

Wilbur wanted to know more, hear more of their singing but they seemed panicked. Hiding away and trying to clearly get out of the situation and he had to take a step back. Guilt welling up in him.

“I’m sorry. We just heard your song, and it was beautiful. I have never heard this song. I guess we got enamored by it especially since your singing was really amazing.”

Jack put his hand on Wilbur’s shoulder and pushed him back a few steps “Come on let’s drop it. They are clearly uncomfortable. I’m sorry Y/N.” He then begun pulling Wilbur along, grabbing Tommy in the process as well who just yanked his arm away from him stating he could walk good enough on his own.

“Wilbur?”

He immediately turned around again to see the nervous Y/N with a determined expression on their face. The cloth now back down.

“The song! I mean, uh, my parent taught me that song when I was a child. Apparently, they wrote it.”

“It’s a really beautiful one. Your parent must be very talented. If you feel ever more comfortable enough I would love to hear the full song.”

Y/N took a deep breath in “I know how to play it on guitar and keyboard? I could, uh, you know. Teach it to you?”

Wilbur’s smile returned to his face “Sounds like a plan.”